Syp’s Guide to DDO Dungeoneering

Step 1: Look in the grouping window and find a bunch of people that haven’t yet gone into anything.

Step 2: Click join and spout a cheery “howdyadoo?” so that they know you’re one of the “good guys”.

Step 3: Ask, “So what are we doing?”  They will typically respond with the name of a quest or dungeon, which then sends you into a frantic map search for said quest or dungeon, because you don’t want to ask where it is and end up looking like the noob you are.

Step 4: If completely lost, toss out, “So that’s House K, right?”  When they respond, “No, it’s [NAME OF LOCATION]“, then chuckle with an appropriate “lol” and add “I was just testing you.  Good job!”

Step 5: Find the entrance to the dungeon and wait, passing the time by hopping around as everyone normally does in the real world, and invading the personal space of other characters nearby as to get a better view of their armor.

Step 6: When everyone starts disappearing at the entrance, assume that the video game rapture has started and that all are returning home to be with Jesus Christ.  Make sure that your soul is prepared.

Step 7: Then click the entrance and go in.

Step 8: Start tossing out buffs as everyone huddles together for a little pre-dungeoneering pep talk.  If you don’t have any good buffs, then throw out what you can so at least you look like you’re working hard. “Don’t talk to me, I’m putting a five-minute Itch Resistance spell on you!”

Step 9: It’s time to play “Follow the Leader”, which is usually more difficult than it has to be as your tight-knit group instantly splits up and starts running down different corridors, often screaming as they find themselves alone.  In a pit of acid.  And being pelted by Bugbear archers.  While they sign them up for unnecessary e-mail mailing lists.

Step 10: So instead play “Follow the Group Majority”, where you stick with the largest concentration of group members possible — but always stay a step behind them so that whatever spike is about to shoot out of the walls and pierce ear canals will happen to them.  Remember: your teammates are to you as a canary is to coal miners.

Step 11: I can’t stress this enough — let everyone do everything first.  Don’t attack until someone else attacks, don’t run across the room until someone else does, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t click on that chest until someone else does, thereby proving that it’s not booby-trapped with a small tactical nuke.  Everyone else has done these dungeons more times than you can count — you’re here to learn.  And also take home gobs of loot, XP and favor.

Step 12: If you die, have an instant excuse on hand: “Crap, I hate this lag!” is sufficient, but “MOTHER OF ZEUS A CHUPACABRA LEAPED OUT OF MY CLOSET AND IS GNAWING ON MY MOUSE HAND!” will suffice, and potentially garner you sympathy.

Step 13: Be sure to make the best use out of the voice chat.  Sing lullabies to your teammates, go on a 10-minute rant about the last girl who dumped you, and narrate every little thing you do since it should equally fascinate the rest of your loyal mates.

Step 14: When you finally beat the dungeon, congratulate the group on a job well done, and try to sell them a wide selection of Amway products.