King’s Quest II: Nobody likes Graham

(This is part of my journey playing through King’s Quest II: Romancing the Throne.  You can follow the entire series on the Nostalgia Lane page.)

mal1I’m on the next quest of my stage to find more keys for this Russian nesting doll magical door, which will somehow get me closer to my future wife because [INSERT LOGICAL EXPLANATION LATER].  So I guess it’s time to wander around some more and stick my head into holes.

Oh hey, mallet.  Yes, I’m sure there’s a great story about how a mallet ended up getting stashed in a tree.  Probably a murderer ditched the evidence here and now I’m going to get framed for it.

mal2Aw, isn’t this just the cutest little tree house ever?  I so want it.  While I’m taking my screenshot and tabbing out to write this, the game starts playing warning music and I tab back in to see a notice that a dwarf is nearby — and that he’s a naughty dwarf, coming to steal treasure.  I guess now we know why there’s stuff lying all around the country, now don’t we?  I push open the door and run inside, climbing down the ladder because dwarves can’t climb.  Or so I’ve heard.

mal3Wait, how did he do that?  There’s just one ladder and one dwarf, and he was outside of the tree.  How did he lap me to get down here?  Magic?  In a fantasy adventure game?  Perish the thought.

On a side note, I’m kind of tickled at the graphical continuitity here that has the stove pipe that you see from outside the house connect to the fireplace down here.

I figure that if the dwarf is a thief, I might as well teach him a lesson, right?  So I stole his soup.  Seriously.  His soup.  Man, he’s going to be regretting his lifestyle when he goes hungry tonight!  (and I swipe some earrings, but that’s just for me and you do not get to judge)

mal4Of course there is.  Man, I wish real life was like this game.  Every time I went broke, I could just look inside hollow logs and clams to find jewels.

mal5I head back to the batcave and meet Hagatha the Witch.  She’s pleased to make my acquaintance, which is to say that she grabs me and throws me into her cauldron so that she can cook me for dinner.  If you look carefully, you can see my arms flailing about in the picture up there as I’m being boiled to death.  Light-hearted stuff, this game!

Well.  I’m not going to hang around with cannibals, I can tell you that!  Might as well access my inner kindness and bring some soup back to grandma…

mal6Um… Grandma?

mal7Not cool, dude.  Not cool.

Man, my soul is taking a beating from all of these restored games.

Actually, I’m kind of dying on purpose a lot here.  It’s pretty easy to avoid the dwarf, witch, and wolf, since they only randomly appear when a screen loads, you get a warning message, and you have a few seconds to run to the next screen and try again.  Going back and forth between these screens at the little cottage, for instance, will randomly generate grandmas or wolves.

mal8Listen lady, if you think I’m going to fall for that trick again, I’m not as stupid as I was in the past three saved game files.  You’re feeling better, why don’t you hop down there and thrust your arm blindly into the darkess to see what happens, okay?

It’s a ruby ring and a vampire cloak.  Beggers can’t be choosers, I guess.  Gimme here, grandma.  Feel better.  Just remember who brought you the soup when you were feeling ill and who is still skipping around in the flowers when you write your will!

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