King’s Quest II: Because that would be too simple

(This is part of my journey playing through King’s Quest II: Romancing the Throne.  You can follow the entire series on the Nostalgia Lane page.)

qwe1Well, at least I’m CUTE.  That’s of some consolation.

Thus begins another King’s Quest II play session, in which the game shows me that this world has no internal logic and that everyone is out to eat me or steal from me or turn me into amphibians.  No mirror wife is worth this, let me tell you.

qwe2“Yes, can you explain why you’re operating a modern-looking antique store with lamps and other trappings that don’t make any sense for a fantasy setting?  Also, do you have any old NES cartridges?”

Finding an antique store in this game makes as much sense as anything else, I guess, but it’s really jarring.  What fairy tale is this from?  There is a genie lamp nearby, which the old lady says she’ll sell to me if I go retrieve her pet bird that the witch stole.  So… back to the batcave I guess?

A little side note: I really like how the game portrays the interior of houses with these cutaway graphics.  It’s… cool.

Getting the bird is kind of annoying.  First of all, you have to avoid the witch popping out in and around the cave.  I had the fairy’s protection spell on me so that was good.  Second, the bird starts chirping really loudly when you pick it up, so you’re forced to find something to keep it quiet.  That something is a cloth that is discovered in a bottle on the beach.   Long story short, I get the bird, give it to the lady, and get the lamp.  GET LAMP.  Now I’m in an adventure game!

qwe3Ooh, time to rub my lamp!  Hush you dirty people.  It’s a perfectly acceptable public activity.  A genie pops out and grants me — no, not three wishes — three items.  I get a magic carpet, a sword with a snake carved on it, and a magical bridle.  Man, everything’s magical in this place!

qwe4flying through the air so fancy free, my carpet my magic carpet and meeeee

qwe5Oh noes, there’s a poisonous snake!  [Puts on professor glasses]  Actually, King’s Quest II, the snake is venomous, not poisonous.  It’s an important distinction.  Please remember it for the future.  [Takes off professor glasses and promptly dies from the "poison"]

So.  Here’s the thing.  There’s a snake here.  I have a sword with a snake carved on it.  It’s like the game is telling me in BIG NEON COLORS to kill the snake with the sword.  But does it let me?  No, it does not.  Because that would make sense.

Instead — and I’m still facepalming over this puzzle solution — I have to throw the bridle onto the snake.  Because the snake is really a magical winged horse.  Of course, of course.

qwe6

Seriously, King’s Quest II?  How does… why would you… I just… WHAT???!?

qwe7This particular paragraph has left me speechless.  All I know is that I’d want this idiocy to be engraved on my tombstone some day so that future generations would be able to suffer.

In short:

  • Enchanter + winged horse = “poisonous” snake
  • Sugar cube + poisonous brambles = safety

Also, why is everything in this country poisonous?  The lake, the brambles, the snakes… man.

qwe8Aaaall the way back to the magic floating door(s), and I unlock the second to find a third.  I’m starting to suspect that there are infinite doors.  Someone at Sierra has a sadistic black heart, no doubt.  This better be it, I don’t think that rope bridge can last much longer!

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