(This is part of my journey going checking out Star Control 2. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)
By this point in the game, I am over and done with being bullied by Sylandro probes. NO MORE PROBING, do you hear me galaxy? Happily, the Melnorme sold me some info about where I can find the owners of the probes — the Sylandro themselves.
The Sylandro are full of surprises, starting out with the fact that they are floating gas bags that live on a gas giant. Their anatomy makes space travel difficult/impossible, so they made a deal with the Melnorme to buy a self-replicating probe to explore the galaxy on their behalf. So what went wrong here?
Well, numskull Joyous Lifting decided that he’d tinker with the probe’s code to up its replication priority to 999 in the hopes that it would make more probes faster and that the Sylandro would get all of that juicy outside gossip they’re craving. The problem with this is that after each probe speaks with an alien ship, the high setting prompts it to try to break down the nearest target (said alien ship) on the spot. It’s not attacking, it’s just very, very hungry.
After an “uh-oh,” the Sylandro realize their mistake and give me a self-destruct code to use. Better late than never?
Oh, if you ever get a chance to talk to the Sylandro, make sure to ask them about their glowy bits. Apparently it’s their genitals and they get super-duper embarrassed that you can see them while they cannot.
Back at earth starbase, Commander Keen tells me that some fish-robots are visiting. I would LOVE to see that, to tell the truth. The Shofixti have contributed their ship design and crew, so now my personal fleet is full-up. Can we take the fight to the Ur-Quan yet?
So totally cool — now I can just talk the Slylandro probes into destroying themselves. Don’t get any RU from it, however.
Next up on our galactic alien meet-and-greet are the Yahet. Space pterodactyles, if you will. Apparently they used to be allied with earth, but in the intervening years have taken up with the Ur-Quan as battle thralls.
This all changes when I show them that one of their “children,” the Shofixti, is still alive, contrary to the word of the Yehat queen.
Well these guys freak the heck out — happy that the Shofixti are still around, but livid that the queen has somehow betrayed the honor of the race. What to do? Revolution, of course!
You got up today and went to work or school. I woke up and started a massive interplanetary civil war. I’m just that awesome.