Low Blows and Fancy Free

There’s a certain spot on the male anatomy that is an unavoidable target for all small children, sitcom writers in need of a cheap laugh, and Steven Seagal’s brand of martial arts fu.  It’s just *out there*, ready to be sucker punched when the man least expects it, causing him to curl up into a wimpering ball for the next two to three hours.  And it’s just NOT COOL to begin an attack with this sort of low blow, no matter what.

I speak, of course, of a man’s commercial endorsements (“So that’s what the kids are calling it these days!”).  These are fragile, tender, sacred pacts with infallible companies, and I cherish my endorsements as I would each and every one of you, had I kidnapped you and brainwashed you over a period of months until you sincerely believed you were my child, even though you are sixteen years older than I.

My arch-nemesis thinks it’s fine and dandy to strike out at this vulnerability — which, as we’ve established, is NOT COOL — but I’ll let her have this free shot.  Yes, I’m endorsed out of the wazoo.  SOE?  Syp Online Enterprises.   World of Warcraft?  One subtle signal from me, and the devs will happily pull the plugs on the servers for “emergency downtime”.  I roll in the accumulated wealth of Scott Jennings, Bill Roper and Kanye West, who are all autonomous creations designed by me to go forth into the world and spread havoc.

Does this hurt my integrity, that I am tackier than a NASCAR car with ads tattooed all willy-nilly across my forehead?  Am I threatened by one jealous blogger who undoubtedly is intimately familiar with each and every culinary variety that Banquet frozen dinners provides?  A blogger who obviously regrets naming her blog starting with a “W” instead of a “B” so it ends up on the bottom of everyone’s blogroll?

Nay.  For I have commercial endorsements of steel, and my will to live on and make a tidy profit is strong.

Join Team Syp, and together we will rule the blogoverse as father and cybernetic killing machine!


12 thoughts on “Low Blows and Fancy Free

  1. Hudson February 11, 2010 / 7:11 pm


    In fact I am going to war against BOTH of you

    as a klingon

    I am too lazy to write at the moment

  2. moxie February 11, 2010 / 10:24 pm

    Time to start printing the t-shirts. Licensed, of course, with a modest fee going to Syp for each one sold. 😉

  3. Tesh February 11, 2010 / 11:22 pm

    I’ll just lob broadsides from my sloop.

    …or watch from the Crow’s Nest with popcorn. Either way, fun for me.

  4. We Fly Spitfires February 12, 2010 / 6:38 am

    If you were both animals, Tipa would be a grizzly bear and you’d be a cute hamster. She’s gonna devour you, man!

    Just sayin’.

  5. Skarlarth February 12, 2010 / 7:38 am

    I’ll never join you! Obi Wan told me everything, you killed my father!

    Ok but srsly, I love both your blogs soooooo… I am holding out for the highest bid!

    Skarlarth and Company

  6. dieselfumes February 12, 2010 / 8:34 am

    Fuel to the fire…

  7. battlechicken February 12, 2010 / 8:40 am

    You’re absolutely right!

    I posted on Tipa’s blog defending you.

    P.S. Am I getting compensation for this? Because I really think maybe I should. You did give me that hot swashbuckler’s shirt, though. Was that a deposit?

  8. stargrace February 12, 2010 / 9:03 am

    It’s ok Syp, you’ve still got the cute as a bug in a rug thing going on, and you TRY real hard.

  9. PeterD February 12, 2010 / 5:06 pm

    West Karana is down, what did you do Syp?!

  10. heartlessgamer February 13, 2010 / 2:24 pm

    Take my approach: don’t be nice to anyone and call them all hypocrites.

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