MMOs and Child-Rearing

I may be rocking the double car seats, but I still have my Pac-Man dice!

Part of the challenge of being a fairly new dad (13 months and 2 kids long so far) is finding a balance between everything you want and need to do in your day.  My wife and I have tried to develop good habits early on, such as being willing to drop anything we’re doing to spend time with the family.  This means that I’m more prone to going AFK from games than ever before, so I’m not doing any group stuff until well after 9pm.

Another habit we’re creating for the future is how we handle punishments and rewards in our family.  Oddly enough, I suggested a system that’s a bit of a meld of what my parents used to do, but sprinkle in a few MMO concepts as well.  Hey, if MMOs can “train” us with conditioning, then why not use what I’ve learned for my kids?

For example, my parents used a series of colored circles that hung off the fridge to represent our “Uh Oh” state.  Every day, we all started with white circles, but if we did something wrong, a circle was taken away to reveal a new color and a corresponding punishment:

  • White (no punishment)
  • Yellow (verbal warning)
  • Green (TV taken away)
  • Orange (Toys taken away)
  • Brown (time-out in room)
  • Black (spanking)

The colors helped us kids grasp the concept of how much we’d been in trouble that day and what was coming next if we persisted.  In a way, this was kind of a form of “death penalty” or somesuch, with a bit of color-conning thrown in, if you want to relate it to MMO parlance.  Even as adults, we understand colors well, and MMOs use color signifiers for both good (loot rarity) and bad (monster strength in relation to you).

Another thing my parents did was to create a chore chart that allowed us to earn our allowance piecemeal.  Instead of getting a flat $5 a week or whatnot, each chore was worth a dime or quarter or other amount.  If we wanted money, we looked at the unchecked boxes on the chart and headed off to do a series of chores to get the funds we needed for candy and comics.

MMOs?  Dude, my parents were quest-givers, and they simply created a bounty sheet and spelled out the rewards ahead of time.

At a garage sale this weekend, I was thrilled to find a HUGE tub of Legos for $5 (I can’t imagine the store cost for all these pieces — a couple hundred, easily).  I suggested that instead of one day handing all these toys over to our kids, we create Lego “packs” (ziplock bags with a few handfuls of Legos apiece) that would serve as rewards for special chores and whatnot.  I think that when you earn something, it has more worth to you then when it’s just given for nothing.

My wife and I have our own ideas to build off of these, but many of the concepts remain.  Color as a way to help our kids understand significance, choice when it comes to chores, working to earn something that you cherish, cause and effect, reward and punishment.  It’s funny to look at MMOs as being a virtual parent, because in a way, it is.  It nurtures us while encouraging us to grow and fend for ourselves.  It guides us down a path that gradually introduces more choices and places to go as we get our feet.  It spanks us when we do wrong and showers us with goodies when we win.  It even tells us to play nice with others, but that doesn’t always go over well — greed and selfishness and bullies still exist in this sphere.


17 thoughts on “MMOs and Child-Rearing

  1. Jason June 7, 2010 / 7:42 am

    Lego packs… I’m stealing that idea for when I have kids.

  2. heartlessgamer June 7, 2010 / 8:41 am

    I like the Legos in a bag idea, but I have to pry my child hood collection from my parents house first 😛

  3. Ferrel June 7, 2010 / 9:48 am

    Your parents sound like pretty smart customers! I think the reverse could be said that MMO designers should learn from them. Clear transparency on expectations and options!

    Great idea with the Legos as well. As I got older my parents shifted me more from “giving” to “earning.” I don’t have children yet but from watching my friends and reading that seems to be a real key. Letting your children earn. It builds pride and self confidence.

  4. Starayo June 7, 2010 / 10:17 am

    Hey, that’s some pretty sweet parenting ideas there.

    I’m definitely going the questgiver angle whenever I start raising a kid of my own. 😀

  5. shadowwar June 7, 2010 / 10:59 am

    I’m with Jason, I like the lego-packs idea. I hope my daughter likes legos as much as I did!

    In all seriousness, finding a basis and common ground on how to discipline your children I think is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome. My wife and I are hashing out ideas on it ourselves, and think that the most important thing is for neither of the parents to undermine the other in front of the children.

  6. Void June 7, 2010 / 11:36 am

    These are great ideas! My wife is due in September with our first child and posts like this are really grabbing my attention lately. I’m going to end up using some of your ideas, I can already tell.

  7. Elleseven June 7, 2010 / 11:39 am

    You may really enjoy this book on parenting. I used this program and have had 100% positive results. Its by Dr. Myrna Shure Thinking Parent, Thinking Child . “The important lessons presented in this book go far beyond how to manage or control specific problems. Instead, you’ll be able to help your child find her own best solutions to problems — ranging from getting her homework done to test anxiety to teasing to being teased to peer pressure.
    Thinking Parent, Thinking Child gives you tools to help your kids become less aggressive, inhibited, and fearful, and more cooperative, empathic, and better able to handle life’s frustrations and disappointments.”

  8. Tesh June 7, 2010 / 11:41 am

    Agreed. *makes mental note to hit garage sales this weekend*

  9. Cedia June 7, 2010 / 3:21 pm

    Except when the kid is an artist like me and then starts to correspond particular colors with “bad”, which then gets them inexplicably depressed whenever they see that color.

    The subconscious mind is sometimes a raging bitch.

  10. chaosmos June 7, 2010 / 3:39 pm

    I think you’ve got the beginnings of your own parenting book right there! “MMO Parenting: The Quest for Well Behaved Kids”

  11. Jomu June 7, 2010 / 4:30 pm

    maybe include a reward color system too; otherwise it just sounds like a negative system; very cool idea 😉

  12. bilingue June 8, 2010 / 1:00 am

    My daughter is still too young (2 months on June 16) but I am constantly thinking about this. You propose some interesting ideas. I remember when I was a kid it was: “Do it or do it”.

  13. MMO Social Network June 10, 2010 / 4:45 am

    That color kind of reward sounds like a good idea… although I dont want my lil kid begin to think in purple as an epic reward 😛
    Good ideas overall.

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