Analysis of a Rage Post

I don’t know why this particular rage post tickled my fancy, but my fancy is giggling manfully and I must address it.

So!  The analysis of a LOTRO rage post!

Title: Turbine you are bunch of -__-;

Right off the bat we know that this will be a hard-hitting, tough love sort of situation, because there’s an emoticon right there in the title.  I am not, however, quite sure what that title means.  Turbine is a crying face?  Or is this fill in the blanks for the readers at home?

Are you even serious????

One question mark isn’t enough when four need to be wielded to properly express one’s confusion and/or rage.  Is Turbine serious?(???)  Do they think that this game — this source of livelihood and passion for all who work on it — is a cruel joke devised to pull a tragic prank on one specific player?  Apparently, they do.

Freeps getting dps boost with LI’s , while freeps remaining the same?

If you’re trying to make heads or tales of this sentence, just don’t.  It’s a möbius loop of logic and illogic intertwined in an eternal dance of comprehension.

Also, I think he meant to use “creeps” as one of those.  Just a hunch.

Are you fking serious or what?

That’s what we call a “chicken swear,” boys and girls.  You want to sound all grown-up by unleashing a mighty F-bomb, but you still fear the mods and cannot find the “u” or “c” buttons on your keyboard.  Completely understandable.

At least he’s returning to his earlier thesis of Turbine’s seriousness, placing the studio on the defensive and hitting them right where it counts.  In the thought-nuggets.

So much imbalance and still nothing to do ????


Its just awful guys !

The right pinky, exhausted from excessive question marking, takes a break when asked to perform a simple apostrophe.

You should fire yourselves all of you lol.

The “lol,” strategically shoehorned in before the period, suggests that the writer is laughing in exhausted derision at the not-so-serious antics of Turbine.  It is this laugh that cements the post’s legacy and will certainly make those devs walk home with their tails betwixt their legs in shame.  It was a good day, they’ll think, before KaganpwnzOr laughed at us and deconstructed our master plan for all to see.

Also, can one fire oneself?  I mean, from a job, not out of a cannon.  Wouldn’t that just be quitting?  And if they all quit, who would run the game?

My dog can do it better thats for sure !

Ahhh.  There you go.

Wait — back up.  Does your dog currently “do [development] better” in real life?  On what game?  Can we ask to see its credentials?  Resume?  Opposable thumbs?

It probably doesn’t matter.  KaganpwnzOr, Bio Break salutes you as the ragiest rager who ever raged.  And then took a potty break.


17 thoughts on “Analysis of a Rage Post

  1. battlechicken May 7, 2012 / 2:17 pm

    If I did Picture of the Day, that would be it. I’m just going to file that picture away because I’ll bet I can find a great place for it on my guild forums.



    Also, I love rage posts. Rawr, I tell you!

  2. HeadBurro Antfarm May 7, 2012 / 2:21 pm

    Ahh, at least my rant at Turbine never sank into such farce 😀

  3. thade May 7, 2012 / 2:35 pm

    I lol’d. Thanks, Syp. 🙂

  4. Black Seven May 7, 2012 / 2:40 pm

    I’ve rarely been so amused at someone else’s rage. Thank you for this.

  5. turnbullr May 7, 2012 / 2:45 pm

    This rage is babyrage compared to some of the things Modern Warfare causes people to say and do.

  6. Lenn May 7, 2012 / 3:04 pm

    That baby looks evil. I will have nightmares now.

  7. Ardent Defender May 7, 2012 / 3:15 pm

    That picture just says it all, no writing needed. That picture is just win for lots of raging.

  8. Brazokie May 7, 2012 / 7:12 pm

    I bet that dog develops some interesting stuff to pick up after.

    I read some rage e-mails at work. Then I call the customer back to solve their issue (and stop them from sending us hate e-mails) and they are all nice and soft. It’s like the inner demon only comes through their fingers.

  9. mattticus May 7, 2012 / 7:41 pm

    Did you know Samuel L Jackson occasionally calls back people who leave really bad reviews of his movies? And invites them out to coffee to talk about it?

    Man, I should totally thrash the Avengers. But I can’t :\

  10. Azuriel May 7, 2012 / 9:48 pm

    The “-___-;” emoticon is expressing a sense of embarrassment or awkwardness. The semicolon’s function is to mimic the “teardrop” (or sweatdrop) in anime that also denotes awkwardness or a general lack of knowing how to respond to a weird social situation. That particular emoticon is closer to a /facepalm expression than, say, “<_<;" which would indicate trying to figure out what to say or leave quickly before things get worse. Adding more semicolons increases the magnitude of the awkwardness, as does increasing the number of underscores. See: -______-;;;

    The more you know…

  11. Killington May 7, 2012 / 11:53 pm

    Hilarious rant breakdown! You should do more of these. 🙂 I like how he doesn’t bother to give any details on what he is pissed about or suggestions or anything.

  12. Capn John May 8, 2012 / 4:21 pm

    I like to use “feth” instead of another certain 4-letter word which also begins with ‘f’, especially when my kids are around.

  13. chaosmos May 8, 2012 / 11:39 pm

    hee hee hee!

  14. Telwyn May 12, 2012 / 6:47 am

    Epic picture, and nice deconstruction 🙂

  15. Telwyn May 12, 2012 / 6:51 am

    Just to add my thanks to Stormwaltz for the link, I love that video!

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