I just made you say “underwear”

I swear, I think NCsoft created this latest Lineage II promotion solely to be the most mock-worthy event in the universe.  And now I’m going to give it more press, because I simply can’t not mock it.  It begs for it, it does.

Ladies and gentlemen…

Banner_underwearWhere… where do I begin.  I have so, so many questions.  Such as, is underwear in Lineage II a major feature in the game?  Has no one in this universe ever heard of boxers or sports bras?  How does underwear “reveal your true power” unless “power” is some weird slang for seductiveness?  Why include a (cropped) picture of a kid on here AT ALL?  Does that guy have an eight-pack?  Why are these people standing around in their undies as a group?  What does that conversation sound like?  If you have camo underwear, how does that help you hide?  How does this all help the MMO industry not look like it’s solely catering to extremely randy and immature perverts?

Seriously, that kid’s head and presence is freaking me out.

From the desciption: “Lineage II presents the secret to firming up your defenses, giving you the speed boost you need, and enhancing your attributes! Choose from one of five unique and sexy styles of Adenian Underwear—then augment your choice with Adenian Underwear Life Stones!”

OK, more questions.  Who do we pummel for the horrible puns in this sentence?  How does underwear enhance “attributes” unless we’re not talking about stats?  “Augment your choice with stones”?  Are you insulting your character’s avatars by saying that they obviously need to compensate for something?

“The chance of acquiring a special skill when augmenting your underwear is three times greater than normal augmenting.”

Well, OBVIOUSLY this is the case.

15 thoughts on “I just made you say “underwear”

  1. Hunaiam February 28, 2013 / 10:59 am

    The kid is disturbing. I have never heard of this game and now I know I will never look it up or play it.

  2. Scott February 28, 2013 / 11:13 am

    I’ve never heard of this game either, I assume the “kid” is a gnome or something, but she resembles a kid enough that excluding her should be a no-brainer.
    Here’s hoping that LOTRO does not follow suit so I don’t have to start grinding for my “Leather Undies of the Second Age” LI.

  3. merecraft February 28, 2013 / 11:48 am

    What?! I don’t even know how to respond to this. The Secret World has just lost it’s crown as the weirdest and creepiest MMO for all the wrong reasons…

  4. Ravanel Griffon February 28, 2013 / 11:53 am

    Whahaha, what *is* this?! O_O

  5. Wilhelm Arcturus February 28, 2013 / 1:32 pm

    Lineage II has always been… odd… at least in Western eyes. But the innuendo possible with this… is staggering.

    Completely off topic, the headline of this post made me think of a joke I made sure to teach my daughter:

    Me: What are you eating under there?!? (to my daughter, sitting on the couch, not eating anything, and not expecting to be questioned)

    Daughter: Under where?

    Me: Ha ha! You just said you were eating underwear! (me cackling like a 6 year old)

  6. kiantremayne February 28, 2013 / 2:32 pm

    Part of me wants to know if underwear that gives you “the speed boost you need” leaves skid marks.

    The rest of me really DOESN’T want to know.

  7. Spidubic February 28, 2013 / 2:36 pm

    @kiantremayne, part of me ROFLAO. The rest, ewwwww.

  8. silvertemplar March 1, 2013 / 1:16 am

    Has no one played TERA on here? That looks like a direct callout to people that moved from Lineage to TERA. I mean, in TERA you run around in underwear or “underarmor” permanently (and it seems to be a big feature of the game) and you got the weird race that looks like kids…

  9. tithian March 1, 2013 / 3:42 am

    The “kid” is actually a female dwarf, so you can stop being creeped out now.

  10. Scott March 1, 2013 / 7:33 am

    @tithian, sorry, the “female dwarf” looks enough like a kid (big eyes, tiny frame, pigtails) that I’m still creeped out. I assume that a player can buy underwear for her too. Not cool.

  11. Jonathan Humphreys March 1, 2013 / 4:07 pm

    @Scott: Yep, looks like you can. :\
    Also, why on earth have they tried to make their orcs on equal level of “sexy” to each of the other non-dwarf races too? 😯

  12. Toxicroach March 1, 2013 / 7:03 pm

    Scott, I’ve seen a thousand gnomes in their underwear in like every MMO ever, so I guess I’m not getting what is so creepy about this. They are in their underwear. Big deal.

  13. hordemaster March 3, 2013 / 1:13 pm

    yea I am not that creeped out either, only because I have seen players naked in wow having sex in a pond, yes that did happen! So Lineage 2 undies seem tame in comparison.

  14. Scott March 4, 2013 / 8:49 am

    Yes, most MMO’s have gnomes that look like children. No, there is nothing wrong with gnome characters. Yes, when you remove a character’s gear it will be in it’s underwear, it’s not a big deal.
    But, when you purposefully sell “sexy” underwear that can be equipped on a child-sized figure, that is a big deal. That’s considerably different than just seeing some female gnome player running around Stormwind in her underwear. That shows the player’s immaturity, not the game’s. This Lineage gear serves no purpose but to sexualize your character, and when they look like adults, go ahead and get them if that appeals to you. However, when a game lets you purchase silky blue lingerie for a three-foot tall girl with big eyes and pigtails, some line has been crossed.

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