Ultima VII: Kings and dirty diapers do not mix

(This is part of my journey playing through Ultima VII. You can follow the entire series on the Nostalgia Lane page.)

cde1OK, I have a few questions as I start out today’s Ultima VII session.  Question the first: Why would I remember you?  I’ve never played an Ultima game before!  Question the second: If we’re adventuring buddies and I haven’t been to Britannia in 200 years, then… is this Highlander?  Do we have to fight until there is only one immortal left?  Question the third: In a country as big as the parking lot of Walmart, how many of these residents are my former chums?  I’m stumbling over them in Britain, this guy being two doors down from the last dude I picked up.  Question the fourth: If we’re such good friends, then why are you still charging me for swordsmanship lessons?

cde2Well, that made me laugh.  Well done, generic swordsman friend #2!  Welcome to Team Syp!

cde3Ha!  Ha!  Ha!  I am only laughing to distract you as I pilfer your poor box!  Ha!  Ha!

This rotund gentleman is Batlin, the founder of the Fellowship cult, and he’s apparently pleased to meet me even though I’m a religious figure of a competing worship group.  I sense a celebrity boxing match in our near future!

cde4Next on our great Britain tour is the Royal Museum, which consists of 1% royalty and 99% Avatar artifacts.  Or so I surmise, not having any memories of these items from previous games that I was supposed to have played.  There’s even a statue of me, although it’s a really crappy one.  Don’t even think they got the gender right.

The curator, Candice, lets slip that one of her Fellowship “brothers” is more than just a friend — and it’s the mayor.  Who is, conveniently, located in the building right next door.  Let’s go talk to him!

cde5Whoops.  Guess this is not an approved affair, then.  “Wonderful relationship” indeed.  I love how he also goes on and on about how honest of a fellow he is.

It’s really starting to worry me just how widespread the Fellowship is and how many of them are in positions of power.  This does not bode well for, well, them when I start my kill-o-thon.

Let’s get Judith’s take on this relationship, shall we?

cde6In a slight twist, Judith isn’t part of the Fellowship, which is why she probably doesn’t know about the affair.  But she is pretty peeved at her husband’s long hours.

Well, enough farting around — let’s head to the castle and finally meet Lord British in the flesh.

cde7OK, a little more farting around.  Chuckles the jester has a “game” that’s played in the conversation which took me a little bit to figure out.

Basically, you can only talk to him with monosyllabic words as he’s doing to you.  If you can navigate the entire con… talk with him, he gives you a scroll with a clue:

cde8It’s a slog through a bunch of conversations before I get to Lord British, however.  I do meet the gargoyle’s official representative to the throne, who urges me to talk to his king about the murders.

cde9Finally we punch through some doors and with royal trumpets blaring, we gaze up at his kingly rattailness:

cde10It’s time for one big ol’ chat.  Lord British, who also “came from my homeland,” says that things have been amiss and he didn’t send the moongate to summon me.  The formation of a new island caused earthquakes, the moongate system is on the fritz, and magic seems to be on the decline.  Maybe it’s time for a new leader?

He goes on about how awesome the Fellowship is and how peaceful the land is, even though he acknowledges that “there is something hanging over the heads of the people.”  British is really disturbed at the news of the murder, and encourages me to talk to the mayor and the shipwright about it.

British also dumps a lot of materials on me and urges me to go to the Isle of Fire at some point, because there are tests there and aren’t those ducky?  I’ll make a mental note of that.  He also wants me to go to the town of Cove to talk to a mad mage named Rudyom who is working on some sort of blackrock substance.

Best quote of the conversation taken completely out of context: “Kings and dirty diapers do not mix.”

2 thoughts on “Ultima VII: Kings and dirty diapers do not mix

  1. Joseph Skyrim February 18, 2014 / 4:24 pm

    Ahh Batlin. Not even the Armageddon spell can kill that fat bastard… 😛

  2. Ocho February 19, 2014 / 10:06 am

    Yeah, when each Ultima came out, it leaned heavily on the assumption that you have played previous Ultimas. That is, until Ultima 8. 8 and 9 started completely abandoning the lore and consistency. But up until that point, character recognition was a cornerstone of the series. So, yeah, you’re pretty much going to run into companions in almost every single town you come to. Group size is a max of 8, though, but managing that many people, keeping them all fed, keeping them all alive, etc, is quite the feat. And even them, some may not join even if your party size is small… they just don’t like big groups.

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