Why living in LOTRO’s Shire would be a hellish nightmare

shireI was up for a good part of last night with stomach issues, and as such had plenty of time to let my mind wander.  I started thinking about that common hypothetical — “If you could live in a place in an MMO, where would it be?”  And while my first instinct was LOTRO’s Shire, the more I thought about it the more I got freaked out by the notion.

Might’ve just been the stomachache, tho.

As beautiful and pastoral as the Shire is, I think existing there would be a nightmare on the level we can’t even begin to imagine.  For starters, the law enforcement consists of perhaps 20 plucky Bounders spread out all over the zone, while there are two significant camps of Dwarf and Man bandits.  The law can’t or won’t deal with these groups, so it’d be like living with established gangs in your back yard.

Then I considered the wildlife.  Aw, shrews, we can give them a pass.  But what if your neighborhood had roving packs of vicious wolves, giant mutant slugs (with teeth), mega-mosquitos, irritated boars, and of course BEARS out the wazoo.  Oh, and super-big spiders that perhaps habitat your workplace.  The NPC populace of LOTRO is indeed fortunate that the animals mostly stay put because if this was reality, they’d be overrun with deadly beast attacks and probably have to barricade themselves into their homes.  I’m not going to raise a family where a roving ursine might decide that a toddler sounds like a good midday snack.

I’m not even sold on the idea of living among Hobbits.  Height similarities aside, while they’re charming to visit, Hobbits are woefully naive, surprisingly petty, and seemingly incapable of handling any serious life crisis.

I dunno.  Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.  At least the only elves in the zone are passing through.  Give me giant mutant slugs any day of the week over those pointy-eared jerks.


3 thoughts on “Why living in LOTRO’s Shire would be a hellish nightmare

  1. joe March 14, 2014 / 10:44 am

    Oh, it would be awful living in Middle-Earth for sure. Truly going back to the dark ages. Maybe if you were actually a world-class warrior or magic user, it would be survivable, but, for most of us, it would be loads of back-breaking work with no technology and death around ever corner.

    For years I’ve had on and off thoughts about exploring (writing about) the whole law and order side of Lotro, comparing it with our modern systems. I generally would rather be playing games, however, instead of writing about them, which is why I am so impressed by all of you who make time for both. Overall, however, there doesn’t seem to be much of a judicial system in middle-earth. In most regions it seems like whoever is in charge decides what the laws are and what the punishments are for breaking them. As for the Bounders, I have no idea what is going on there- is there anyone who truly directs that group?

  2. Attic March 14, 2014 / 2:48 pm

    “so it’d be like living with established gangs in your back yard.”

    Thought you’d be used to that. What with living in Detroit and all.

  3. catchersrule March 17, 2014 / 9:23 am

    You know, if you’re going to join those foolish enough to live in the Rushgore, you’re just asking for it… just sayin’. Then again the Took family drama always sounded comparable to me to the family from the Godfather.

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