(This is part of my journey playing through Space Quest II. You can follow the entire series on the Nostalgia Lane page.)
After gloating for a while and revealing his master plan, Vohaul sends Roger away to work the mines. Two thoughts arise at this point. One, how sad is your life when you have an asteroid fortress and yet you feel the need to pick on a janitor? And two, is working in the mines really much different than mopping up puke on a space station?
Another crash landing on another planet. This one looks more lush than Kerona, at least. So welcome to Labion, which sounds too disturbingly similar to labia that I think I won’t be typing it much in this space.
Roger swipes a keycard from the dead guard, turns off the homing beacon in the crashed hovercraft, and then goes for a casual stroll in this nightmare jungle. Oh hey, it’s a little dude in distress! Of course I rescue him because I’m a lover of all things that could possibly rescue me in return later on. It’s an adventure game, people. There are no coincidences.
More exploration. Roger walks over a spore that kicks up some gas that makes him gasp and fall over… but instead of this being his first death of the game, it just paralyzes him for a couple of minutes. Huh. That’s downright merciful for a Space Quest game right there.
This screen right here triggered a massive surge of PTSD screams from me. I totally forgot this was in the game, perhaps because my brain loves me and wanted me to have a normal life. This is the root creature and one of the most annoying things ever in a video game. You have to navigate its roots — a maze — without touching the sides. It takes forever. You die all of the time. You will curse the developers’ parents and wish that they hated sex so that such a blight would never have been introduced into your life.
You want to know the kicker, though? When you get through the maze — using uncounted saves, restores, and teeny tiny steps — you get the berries… and then have to retrace your steps back through the maze to leave the screen. Ha ha. Are we having the fun now.
With the root monster experience safely behind him, Roger ducks a roaming hovercraft patrol and finds — why not? — a mailbox in the middle of the jungle. Who’s going to be mailing to and from here? The root monster?
It just so happens that Roger has an order form on him, ready to be mailed. Again, no coincidences here, just amusing connections in the minds of the devs. He sends it away and gets a Labion Terror Beast Whistle. I dated a girl who was a terror beast once. Could’ve used that whistle, let me tell you.