6 Hilarious old-school magazine covers featuring MMOs

Today let’s take a walk down memory lane courtesy of archived magazines (the printed, offline versions) that featured MMOs.

hellgateThe impending failure of Hellgate London aside (although that armor design was pretty cool), I love reading the bylines.  “Mad Money Secrets for World of Warcraft” sounds like a good TV show, but what amused me the most was “Why do we complain but still play?”  Years later, we still don’t have a good answer to that.


That exclusive was not ultimately pointless wordsmithing.  Many Banthas died to bring us that information.ultima online

It’s just surreal to see Ultima Online — an MMO that’s still running and played to this game — featured alongside of games that probably most younger gamers today have never heard of.  Outlaws had a killer soundtrack, by the way.today and tomorrow

More awesome bylines.  “OMFG WTF are they saying in chat?”  Did the magazine take the time to clinically spell out all of the swears?  “I hired a Chinese gold farmer.”  Shocking!  And my favorite, “Why you’re still playing The Sims Online.”  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

star trek online

Just in case we ever forget the travesty that was Vulcan Cleavage Girl (the original), here we go.  Don’t you like the “We boldly play what no man has played before” subtitle there?  As in, “We date girls this hot but you don’t”?  Maybe I’m reading into that too much.LOTROBeyond being a wonderfully ugly cover, the focus on LOTRO’s PvMP game is side-splitting when you realize just how tiny that population is.  It’s “radical” though!  And in-game protests are pointless.  When will we learn from our lazy folly?


7 thoughts on “6 Hilarious old-school magazine covers featuring MMOs

  1. Wilhelm Arcturus May 16, 2014 / 10:24 am

    I remember Massive Magazine. It lasted two issues under that banner. For the big launch they got a bunch of MMO dev names to write columns to help kick things off. Then for issue two, it was all pretty much stuff we had read on the web long before the Magazine showed up. I have both issues stuffed in a corner of my office somewhere.

    I am interested to see that MMO Games cover, as it claims to be “formerly Massive Magazine,” but I never saw a copy of that. As a Massive Magazine subscriber, I got the first two issues and never heard anything from them again.

    If print isn’t dying, it is certainly being pared down to what makes sense.

  2. Shintar May 16, 2014 / 11:41 am

    You make me all nostalgic for when I used to nab my older brother’s used gaming magazines, excited to read about all kinds of games I was never going to play. And I love the bylines too. “Want to be this guy? see pg. 48”

  3. Pasduil May 16, 2014 / 12:07 pm

    > Why do we complain, but still play?

    The answer is probably the same as the answers to questions like: “Why do we argue so much, but still stay married?”, or “Why do we bitch about the company, but continue to work there?” We stay because there are plenty of benefits overall, and perhaps because of a touch of inertia, or the suspicion that the grass is not in fact greener elsewhere.

    Paradoxically it’s the people and things that are most important to us and which we are most intimately connected with and spend most time with that also arouse our greatest ire and the raise our complaints the most. Because a) they matter to us, b) they impact on our lives in a big way both for good and ill, and c) it’s an aspect of human nature to fume and rationalize when things don’t go the way we wanted by putting the blame on someone else and their shortcomings.

    In short being frequently annoyed with someone or something does not mean you don’t love and value that person or thing. In fact, often the opposite.

  4. Jaedia May 16, 2014 / 12:13 pm

    I love looking at the history of hobby magazines. Especially gaming magazines, some of the headlines can be hilarious in hindsight.

  5. Stormwaltz May 16, 2014 / 7:03 pm

    My favorite detail of that STO cover is the bit next to the Vulcan’s shoulder saying “FREE HUGE… poster.”

    I see what you did there.

  6. HarbingerZero May 17, 2014 / 12:08 pm

    A rare Gods and Heroes mention…sad that game didn’t get more traction.

  7. Ocho May 21, 2014 / 12:58 pm

    Vulcan Cleavage Girl was replaced with Bad Aim Elf, who wasn’t much better. However, with Legacy of Romulus, I think they’ve stepped away from the hyper-sexualizations… or at least as much as one can expect from PW.

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