Posted in Lord of the Rings Online

LOTRO: The elvish cold shoulder

wyn1Sometimes the disgusting pro-elf crowd will even go so far as to profess love and attraction to these pointy-eared freaks.  I attribute this to the elves’ obsession with cultivating model-like looks, as they toss any deformed or chubby member of their society over cliffs for failing to live up to this physical standard.  As a result, the odd adventurer might encounter an elf and not see the sinister danger before him or her, but rather a willowy vixen who survives on a half-cup of Greek yogurt every day.

Lord of the Rings Online provides a great cautionary tale with the story of Wynmar and Noriel.  Wynmar is a studly Rohirrim whose party encroaches on the elves’ territory (they didn’t see the pee line, but suffice to say that they make all of the elves pouty by being on their precious soil).  He’s warned off by Noriel, an elf who is the epitome of a living cold shoulder.  Her dialogue is 98% “You need to leave NOW,” but one look at her sends Wynmar’s brain packing and his hormones into overdrive.

Against all common sense, Wynmar falls in love with Noriel at first sight, and he ceases to be a reliable military commander and begins to be a moon-faced boy.  He drags his feet at leaving, he makes me pick flowers (LOTRO is a wonderful flower-picking simulator, I highly recommend it), and he keeps trying to come up with excuses to see Noriel.  Noriel ain’t having it (“You REALLY need to leave NOW”), although she fully knows that she has his heart in her claws.

wyn2Anyway, it ends pretty much as you might expect.  Wynmar is so heart-broken at having to leave that he gets critically distracted during an orc attack.  One poisoned sword through his back later, and Noriel shows up to see the fruits of her lack of compassion.  Oh, she makes a token gesture at regret, but when she’s trying to help him, she’s mending the wounds of an invisible Wynmar that’s about three feet away from his actual body.  Wynmar is so happy that she’s returned that he can’t see how she has led him right into his death, Venus Fly Trap-style.

Elves: Don’t date ’em.  They live a thousand years anyway and all of the mortal races are like easily poisoned sheep to them.

An update on my LOTRO adventures

So obviously I’m in the middle of the Great River, having blasted through Dunland by primarily focusing on the epic story.  It was refreshingly nice to not have to bother with all of the villages, although I could have done without a second term at Isengard State Penitentiary.  Oh, it was dang cool the first time, but it’s so very long every time thereafter.

I think I will be returning to the “trying to get all quests done” now that I’m approaching Rohan, as I definitely need the XP and actually enjoy the weird little stories like the Wynmar one above.  Playing a Lore-master is so different than the other classes, because I can keep a string of combat encounters going by throwing a couple of DoTs on a bad guy, having my pet gain aggro, and moving on while my pet mops up.  Not having to physically click to loot helps with this mobile style too.

4 thoughts on “LOTRO: The elvish cold shoulder

  1. ‘LOTRO: the flower picking game’, is quite a good summation…
    OR more mind bending:
    LOTRO: Weed Harvester! (Put it your pipe and smoke it!)
    They really should add a flower arranging hobby…

  2. I did the same thing on one of my characters recently, did all of Great River and then just took them through the epic up to level 74 when I was able to get a war-steed.

    After that I went back to Enedwaith to get the rep there for World Renowned, did enough other questing to get to 85, and now I’m in Rohan leveling by doing the 5 daily Hytbold quests. That may be how I end up getting faction rep for the various Rohan areas, bypassing the sidequests altogether. I get just enough of that great Rohan music and scenery to feel good about it, and not get tired of it. I do the epic quests on days when I have more time, though I’m not looking forward to the Wildermore portion of it.

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