Thief: The Dark Project: I am the worst thief ever


(This is part of my journey going checking out Thief: The Dark Project. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

With the scepter in hand, Garrett tries to go sell it — and finds out that his trusty fence has been put in prison by the Hammerites (one of the key factions of this game). Well, our thief ain’t having any of that, so he immediately creates a plan to bust his fence out of jail by tunneling up through the mines in the mountain below it.

Also, he mentions that the mines are supposedly haunted. Dude, game, don’t be pulling any System Shock 2 scares on me, OK?


Our journey into the mines starts with a refreshing swim through stale water, emerging into the spooky-ooky abandoned mines. Well, not so abandoned, as I soon find out.


From the zombie outbreak and the weird telsa-style equipment here, I guess I’m to infer that someone’s been conducting experiments on the dead? Or something? It’s never explained here — just a lot of zombies and one weird skeleton sitting criss-cross applesauce that throws its skull at me.

The zombies are no joke — one or two hits and I’m toast. To get them back, I dip my water arrows in holy water and am able to make them explode (!) with two shots. The downside of this is that the holy water only lasts for 30 seconds on my arrows, meaning that I either need to keep running back to the room or just forge ahead and trust to luck.


Despite this mission having four levels (mines, factory, prison, barracks), it’s actually really straight-forward and takes me about 20 minutes. I give up on trying to sap the Hammerites from behind — they’re really tricky to sneak up on and keep patrolling like no one’s business. So instead I take to swordplay and learn how to dash in, thwack them on the head, then run back while they swing those ridiculous hammers like croquet mallets. Three hits on the head and they’re down.

Of course, this makes me the Worst Thief Ever. I wince to think of someone watching me play this level, because I snuck through pretty much none of it and the guards had these loud blaring alarms going on all over the place.

I find my fence but wouldn’t you know it, he’s dying. He has time for one last mission objective speech before collapsing, telling me to find some plans in the safe up on the barracks floor.


My strategy here was to run like crazy and hope that no one saw me. I think I only had to contend with one guard on the barracks level, finding the safe within seconds. Inside were the plans to another job, this one to find a horn on the Quintas Estate. It’s like the deadliest scavenger hunt ever!


One thought on “Thief: The Dark Project: I am the worst thief ever

  1. DanVzare December 6, 2015 / 1:19 pm

    It sounds like you’re having fun.

    It can be quite easy to sneak around without even so much as blackjacking anyone, by just abusing the quick-save button. But I always find it more fun to kill everyone with my sword, since it’s makes the game more challenging.

    You should probably see about using your bow and arrow a lot more. A good arrow to the back, when they don’t know you’re there, is usually enough to kill them.

    Overall though, the next level can be a real nightmare, and chances are, you’re probably going to have some trouble with the beginning of the level after that. But from there, it’s all smooth sailing. Trust me. This game is a total gem!

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