The Secret Adventures: Mr. Beardy and Mr. Hatty (Scorched Desert #5)


(Join Syp as he attempts to document a complete playthrough of The Secret World from start to finish. What will The Secret Adventures discover next? Find out in this exciting installment! WARNING: Spoilers and stories ahead!)

The Coveters (side mission)

  • With Nassir’s huge quest chain done, I can flop back in my seat and take a breather — for now. There’s a Council of Venice envoy behind him in the tent with three side missions, so why not take all of those and push my luck? This first one asks me to collect relics in the sand… sounds easy enough.
  • The fact that there’s 20 required means that this’ll take a while, but it’s something to do on the side and bears good rewards, so might as well!


Five Ways to Kill a Man (side mission)

  • This is a five-tier assassination mission, probably one of those ascended side quests that merely lacks a good intro cutscene.
  • The only good thing about this mission is that by doing it one can pretty much do the entirety of The Coveters, since I’m tripping over relics left and right.
  • How to describe this mission? It’s as if the devs looked at the map here in Egypt and then traced a path through the toughest spots with insane mob density and aggro, then made the player go on a self-guided tour through it. All for the name of a side quest.
  • I would be embarrassed to tell you how many times I died in this mission. I think my gear is really lacking at this point, but the game isn’t exactly throwing me a lot of upgrades with these quest rewards.
  • I was ridiculously delighted to stumble upon a camel in a pen. I think it’s the first I’ve seen in this zone. HAI KAMAL!

The Defence Never Rests (side mission)

  • The last envoy side mission has something to do with protecting relics from the Aten cultists below the city.
  • Quick mission, but you have to be prepared for it. Basically, you defend the sewer entrance from three waves of cultists. AoE is king, here. All hail the AoE!
  • I think I probably did this mission a couple dozen times back when I was originally farming for that Indiana Jones outfit.

The Scorpion Queen (side mission)

  • Nothing like a very dated Dwayne Johnson movie reference to spice up a quest title!
  • Hey! It’s another Orochi corpse! Did these fellas ever come in “alive” version to begin with? Anyway, this one was trying to track down giant scorpions because… I guess death wasn’t coming fast enough for him.
  • That leaves me to fight a big scorpion queen all by my lonesome. Pew pew! Fun fact: Bugs don’t like guns.

London Underground (sabotage mission)

  • During my Egyptian exploits, I receive a call from the Pyramidion, calling me to drop everything and rush to London. Seems the Templars have discovered some relics from Roman sun worshipers there (more Atenists?) and it’s a race to get to them first. As the Pyramidion reminds me, the Templars have the home advantage but we have the “everything-else advantage.”
  • As a factional mission, this was brand-new to me — and a sabotage one, even so. I ducked into the surprisingly clean (if somewhat cobwebby) Roman ruins under London’s streets and started to make my way through this maze of hallways.
  • There are mines and sniper turrets everywhere, requiring trial-and-error to figure out an exact path through it. Over the course of the mission, I had to blow up the turrets from behind, deactivate a force field, set off an alarm to draw out a small army of Templars, do a spot of fighting, and recover what looked like a broken sword. Aragorn’s? He’s going to be ticked the Illuminati got it, I’ll say.
  • At least the Pyramidion said that we were going to be BFFs. I always wanted a strangely disembodied… computer AI, I think? as a best friend.

The Fate of al-Merayah (action mission)

  • There are a pair of missions that you can gain right outside of al-Merayah by eavesdropping in on Mr. Beardy. Nevermind that I’ve already killed him by kicking him off the train; time is elastic in the secret world. I should go tell the Marya to storm this house and eliminate him for good, but nothing doing.
  • So Mr. Beardy is meeting with a mysterious Berihun, who we still don’t know much about other than he represents a faction/power that is helping out the Atenists — and is really calling the shots with them. He’s also apparently the guy who arranged for the Filth bombs in Tokyo and Cairo. Berihun is upset that Mr. Beardy hasn’t taken over al-Merayah yet, so Mr. Beardy says that an offensive is about to begin from underneath the town.
  • Enough is enough — Super-Syp, away!
  • Now, if you’ve been itching for a lot of action, this mission more than has you covered. The first half is nothing but defending barricades against waves and waves of Atenists. Nothing too tough, particularly if you pick up some of the grenades lying nearby and have some fun.
  • Part two is a race through the sewers/tunnels to seal some doors so that the bad guys can’t get through to the city. If anything, it’s a breeze compared to the first part. Guess I win the day?

3 thoughts on “The Secret Adventures: Mr. Beardy and Mr. Hatty (Scorched Desert #5)

  1. Sylow March 9, 2016 / 9:50 am

    “There are a pair of missions that you can gain right outside of al-Merayah by eavesdropping in on Mr. Beardy. Nevermind that I’ve already killed him by kicking him off the train; time is elastic in the secret world. I should go tell the Marya to storm this house and eliminate him for good, but nothing doing.”

    What did I tell you on your last Secret Adventures posting?

    Now you see how right I was, the guy is still here and bothering you, and you have no train to kick him off again… 😀

  2. Syp March 9, 2016 / 10:20 am

    You are quite the prognosticator, sir.

  3. Tyler F.M. Edwards March 9, 2016 / 11:29 am

    I’m not surprised you died a lot doing the issue six side missions. Those are tuned around endgame characters, and you haven’t even done CotSG on that character yet. I’m impressed you made it through the main chain at all.

    Also, I have a soft spot for London Underground because I think it’s very clever how each faction experiences the same mission, but from a different perspective. The Dragon version, in particular, is hilarious and pretty much cements their crown as the world’s greatest trolls.

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