Guest post: Succeeding in Overwatch as a New Player


Syp is AFK on vacation this week and put out a call for substitute writers! Today’s guest post is brought to you by Justin Lowe, formerly of Darth Hater.

You’ve probably seen it by now. All of the advertisements, Tacobell giveaways, Coca Cola sponsored events, fantastic cinematic shorts, and a bunch of posters of Tracer looking cool on the sides of buses. By now, I don’t need to tell you that MMO fan favorite Blizzard is taking a stab at making a groundbreaking First Person Shooter called Overwatch…the launcher has probably annoyed you enough with that over the last couple weeks if you play any of their games. But maybe, just maybe, you’re sitting there thinking to yourself, “I’d like to play this game!” We’ll I’ve got good news for you. I’m here to help your first few hours in the game not seem like an aggressive form of waterboarding!

I hate listicles. I really do. In this case though, this article would be a chore to follow without employing the method. You can’t see me now but I’m scratching my face caving to this. You’ll have to forgive me. After playing more than three thousand matches, I’ve compiled a list of common mistakes that players make when starting out. Here are the few things you need to do as a new player to make your experience more enjoyable and fruitful.

Learn a hero of each role early on

This might seem like a common piece of advice but you should be learning just a few heroes at first and then branching out. Not every game you get placed into by the matchmaking system will have a free slot available to play the DPS. I realize that in these games everyone loves to play the assassin or DPS roles but it’s better to win and compromise while you’re still learning the game. When you jump into Overwatch the first couple times, it will be daunting. There are just so many heroes with different abilities that separate them from their traditional roles. Like MMOs, there are some that cross-pollinate and are easy to grasp but in most cases, the heroes themselves play vastly unlike one another, even other heroes of the same role type.

There are ways though that you can make this transition easier on yourself. First, you can try the practice range. In the practice range there are bots that you can shoot and are harmless. Your ultimate also charges faster in here so not only can you practice your abilities and aim, but you can also see how to properly setup your ultimate for maximum effectiveness. Next are custom games. As a new player, you can setup AI to play against you in whichever map you want without fear of the AI yelling at you over the mic for being “not gud.” The AI even has its own difficulty setting that you can change to make it harder or easier on yourself as you try out new heroes. And lastly, play public games while choosing the role that is needed the most for your makeup. The right side of the screen on when you select your hero will give you a rough guide of what role is needed at the time.

Listen for ultimate audio queues

Character Ultimates are the strongest weapon a player has to upset the balance of the game. Each ultimate has a distinctive audio que to let you know as the ability is used. This audio denotation of an incoming ultimate also changes based on it being used by the friendly or enemy team. For example, when a Pharra uses her Rocket Barrage ultimate she will yell, “Justice rains from above” to the enemy team. On the friendly team, she will yell, “Rocket Barrage Incoming.” At first it may take some time getting uses to each any every character’s que but once you do, you can employ interesting tactics along with them. You can use your own in concert with your team to help setup a big push even better, or deny an enemy’s ultimate by using a counter like Lucio’s or Zenyatta’s own Ultimates. However, a general rule of thumb is to try to shut the enemy down while they are using it by quickly firing at them when you hear the audio or if you’re the only one around, evade.

Don’t be afraid to double or triple up on heroes

It’s a common misconception that new players have early on that you have to have the “perfect default mix of heroes”, i.e. – two Tanks, two DPS, two Supports. In fact, you may have noticed me kind of contradict myself with one of my statements above. Well, consider this part a more advanced course in the article. To explain this, the default comp usually is something like what I stated above. It’s a comp or mix of heroes that works well together more times than not. But let’s say you want to play more aggressive on a map that traditionally has a first point that, once their team has a lot of time to setup on, becomes extremely hard to take. In those cases, you may want to go classes that are a little more agile and harassy like for instance, two Winstons, a Lucio, a Pharra, two tracers or a tracer and another DPS. What this would do on a map like Hollywood is disrupt the team on the point making it hard to defend. The Winstons drop their bubbles negating a lot of the damage to the DPS, they rush the Supports and back line and typically, the team falls apart.

Ideally this would work for an initially push and help you out on maps that are defensive geared for certain points. If that doesn’t work though, you need to quickly adapt to the situation and find a setup that will work for you, either by going back to your default or change parts of it depending on the heroes  that are presenting problems for your team’s push. Overwatch is a game all about switching at the right time to capitalize on the weaknesses of certain characters against others. This point however is one that will take time to learn and you may need to watch a few competitive games or listen to your teammates.

Don’t group up with anyone for the first 20 levels or so

I know, you want to play with your friends. It’s part of what makes games fun. The social aspect is what got me into MMOs and likely did you as well when you started. However, Blizzard games ever since Heroes of the Storm and Hearthstone function a little differently than MMOs but I think I can relay it a bit without being too technical. As you play and build up experience, your profile builds what is called MMR or an ELO rank that is used to place you with other players of similar skill levels so you don’t just get stomped 24/7. When you group with a friend who may have played more than you, it is very likely he/she will bring you into a game of skill of their caliber or higher. It’s kind of like gear score in MMOs. Yes, it sometimes doesn’t matter all that much in the right circumstances but in the wrong ones, it mean a very, very, very, bad time for you or vice versa if the one with more experience happens to be you.

I say this one from experience after playing the closed beta for so long and wanted to bring a friend of mine with me to play…he basically quit the game almost immediately. We kept getting matched up against people like Carnage, Seagull, Joshy, and other very well-known pros. So…just don’t. You’ll thank me for it later.

Wait for your team before launching your Leroy attack of devastation

I get it, we all have that friend of ours that thinks he’s amazing and can kill the team all by himself and more so because he has his ultimate up “RIGHT NOW!” This is what in Overwatch we like to call, “The Fool.” This game, unlike other FPSs, is purely a team game. It requires coordination and constant communication to best your opponents. No matter how good you think you are, you will not consistently 1v6. I don’t care if you’ve don’t it that one time and you think you can do it all the time, just wait for your team to group up before you push. You’ll save everyone, including yourself, a lot of grief and as a bonus, you’ll win more.

The only exception to this is as you’re pushing into the point and you see on the kill feed (an option that displays who was killed by who in the top right) that your team picked (killed) one or two of the enemies, then at that moment, your DPS role players can branch out and flank to collapse on them with the team.

Optimize your display/mouse for low latency/sim rate

This is a hard one to explain, especially with the game not currently out but if I can have you grasp it early on, it will make a huge difference in your performance. Go into a practice range session and press the key combination CTRL+SHIFT+N. This will bring up a chart very similar to one seen back in the old Quake days that will display a lot of numbers and graphs. For the purpose of this explanation we’ll be focusing on one key stat, the SIM rate. The SIM ping or rate controls the amount of time it takes for an action to be displayed on your monitor from either a keyboard press or mouse movement. It may not seem like a lot but the difference can be massive with just a 6-9ms change in the SIM rate. If you’ve ever wondered why your mouse feels delayed with the action presented on the screen, this is what controls it.


Unfortunately many things control this but I’ll go over each and every one. The monitor’s refresh rate, if you have a 120-144hz monitor, your SIM ping will be lower. That’s not to say that you have to go out and buy one to experience any benefits from the other changes but it’s one of the biggest factors in making your mouse feel more reactive to your movements. Next, one we all love for our easily motion sick players, Vsync. Because the monitor has to delay a frame or two to constantly sync, it creates a 1-2ms delay on its own (usually), even Gsync. Next up, an item that makes the game feel more “smooth”, triple buffering. For the same reasons as Vsync, you can often free up 2ms by disabling it. Particle effects and post processing, these often add a little bit to it as well, not as much as the items mentioned above but are worth turning off.

And the biggie, the game’s render scale/resolution. If you want your game to be as 1:1 with your movement, you’re going to have to either lower your resolution and render scale or have a graphics card beefy enough to power through it. Some of the top snipers in the game currently run 1280×720 with 50% render scale for example. It makes the game look like you’re trying to watch an HD movie over a 56k modem but it’s hard to argue with the results. Try it for yourself sometime. If you get used to it, who knows, maybe you’ll be the next best sniper.

Speaking on other games, generally the golden SIM rate you want is under 8ms as the delay at that point is unnoticeable no matter how much you claim you can…unless you’re a robot, guess there’s that. The first number in the chart next to SIM is your lowest possible rate based on your monitor before post processing, next is after post processing, and the last is your total after Vsync and the rest of the effects you have enabled in the settings. I could write a whole article on the rest but my word count on this article is already pretty big that Syp might strangle me so instead I would refer you to the two YouTube videos I made on the subject if you want to learn more.

My plugs

I have no plugs. If you enjoyed this article and it helped make Overwatch a little less intimidating for one person, that’s thanks enough. If you have any comments or questions about the piece, I would be happy to answer them up until the release of the game on the 24th of May, but after that I will be in the middle of a busy launch tournament schedule with my competitive team so I might be slow to respond after that point for a little.

Thanks and good luck out there!

King’s Quest V part 5: Hanging with my gnomies


(This is part of my journey going checking out King’s Quest V. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

Ever wonder what Gnomes did before MMORPGs came along and they were all enlisted into the war effort against dragons? According to King’s Quest V, they sat around small huts and played with dolls. Makes you feel bad for ganking them in PvP now, doesn’t it?

Graham returns the spinning wheel he found in the witch’s house to the older gnome, who then reveals that this contraption turns straw into gold. WAY TO GO GRAHAM. Could’ve started your own kingdom with that right there. Graham, ever the shrewd bargainer, demands the kid’s puppet toy in exchange for this delivery of unlimited wealth. This done, the gnomes leave and presumably the younger one learns a harsh lesson about how adults like to take your toys away to use in “adventures.”


Continuing with this theme of not actually solving puzzles but merely returning people’s property to them, Graham unloads the golden needle — and demands a fancy cloak in return. I’m not entirely sure if the shopkeeper is supposed to be a guy or girl, since the voice is done high-pitched by a guy.

And… um… what is that in the store?



Thank you, Sierra, for getting the crotch bulge right.

Graham continues his generous bartering spree by exchanging the puppet for a sled, and the shoes for a hammer. At this point I think he’s either jerking me around or getting ready to open a pawn shop. At least giving the old couple the dead guy’s shoes lets them retire in peace, which is Graham’s good deed of the day.


Having had a very long day, Graham heads to an inn where, as you might expect, the innkeeper and his henchman clubs Graham unconscious and ties him up in the cellar. For some reason. Hey, it’s not the kind of service model that I would promote, but maybe there’s some sort of hidden logic in this.

Anyway, the talking rat that Graham saved earlier comes out, chews on the ropes, and lets him free. Graham sneaks out of the inn, but not before robbing the kitchen of a juicy leg of lamb. Kids, it’s OK to steal if you’ve been abducted against your will!

5 things I’m looking forward to in World of Warcraft: Legion


It’s going to be a long summer wait until World of Warcraft’s next expansion, Legion, gets here. We’re already being inundated by tons of spoilers and information thanks to a very vocal alpha and beta community. I’m not super-following it, because I don’t want to be completely bored with the game on day one, but hey, if that’s your goal, then go for it.

Still, I can say that there are five things I’m definitely anticipating when Legion drops:

(1) Getting to start an expansion with everyone else

The last time I got to jump into a WoW expansion on day one was Wrath of the Lich King. Since then, any time I’ve come back I’ve been behind the crowd. This is especially true right now, as I’m two years behind the pack.

Yet because I know that there’s an expansion reset coming on August 31st, I don’t feel incredibly pressured to gear up and do whatever everyone else is doing. When that day arrives, we’ll all be heading into the Broken Isles together, and while I’m sure there will be those who will shoot ahead, at least I’ll be there with the bulk of the playerbase instead of lagging behind like a little kid whose legs aren’t as long as his older brother’s.

(2) The world quest system

Taking a cue from Guild Wars 2’s shifting dynamic events system seems like a very smart move on Blizzard’s part. World of Warcraft needs to create a sustainable endgame that isn’t just the same dailies and dungeon runs, and I think this idea at least merits trying. It definitely looks flexible (quest in whichever zone you like — it’ll level to you!) and changing (every day delivers different missions!).

Another nice quality-of-life feature that WoW’s borrowing from other MMOs? Letting you tag in on a mob after someone else has attacked it. Let’s share these kills instead of greedily grabbing for them!

(3) The beauty

Again, I haven’t done a ton of looking into this, but from everything I’ve seen and heard, Legion is surprisingly beautiful. I wouldn’t have thought so from the whole “GREEN EVERYWHAR” initial artwork of demon hunters and legions invading. Having pretty zones to go around in is so much more engaging than ugly and oppressive ones. Plus, WoW’s art team keeps doing pretty amazing things with this older engine.

(4) Transmog 2.0

To be honest, I haven’t ever used transmog in the game yet. Coming from other MMOs where cosmetic systems are implemented in a much more natural and effortless way, WoW’s system seems like a hassle to me. So I’ve been collecting pieces but haven’t really fiddled with changing my look… yet.

The new transmog system is a great step in the right direction, with a better interface that keeps track of all of the looks you’ve unlocked. Plus, you don’t have to keep that gear around for future transmogs! Very much looking forward to fiddling with it.

(5) Artifact weapons

I originally wasn’t that keen on this. Oh, weapons you can level up sounds all awesome and whatnot, but LOTRO showed us how dull, grindy, and underwhelming legendary items could be. Even now, after that system’s been adjusted a few times, it’s just not that engaging.

But the more I hear about artifact weapons, the more my excitement is overcoming my caution. I like the focus on customization and choice, both in visual appearance and function. And kudos to Blizzard for letting us transmog the weapons in case we don’t like any of the artifact looks.

Oh, I’m not fully sold on it yet. If you don’t like a particular style of weapon but are locked into that artifact weapon because of your build, then tough luck. Suck it up. This definitely robbed me of my interest in my enhancement shammy thanks to the build getting a hammer instead of elementals’ awesome fist weapons. But it does look intriguing.

The more pets, the merrier


We’ve well established here on Bio Break that I’m somewhat of a pet nut when it comes to MMO classes. If I have the opportunity to whip out a combat pet to help me in my adventures, then rest assured I’m going to do it.

Yet there’s something I love even more than that. If one pet is great, then a GROUP of pets approaches nirvana. Now, this isn’t something you see in many games. I imagine it’s a bit of a headache for developers, some of which decide not to do it at all. So while there are plenty of MMOs that give you an option to wield a pet (and one game, SWTOR, that delivers this to everyone), only a handful of titles deliver classes with multiple pets.

City of Villain’s Mastermind? Oh yes, I still mourn the loss of this class in its many incarnations, including Thug Life and Robo-Madness. Cackling while I send a fleet of bots against bad guys is something I deeply miss. Guild Wars 2’s Necromancer in full minion master mode was a blast too. And every landing party in Star Trek Online consists of me and four of my closest virtual friends.

There’s a marked difference between running a single pet and being part of an entire pack. It’s like roaming around with a full party, wrecking havoc and conjuring the illusion of unstoppability. While being part of a group of players can create the same visual effect, I find that an NPC pet party is less stressful to lead. Everyone defers to your whims, is out to protect and help you, and sticks with you instead of heading in five different directions (unless, of course, the pet pathing gets messed up).

Oh, call it anti-social if you must, but for me it’s plain fun. It makes me think back to all of my favorite CRPGs that involved full parties and how I would get into the lives of each of my companions over the course of our adventures, at the end of which I saw them as “real” in a sense.

Of course, MMOs don’t quite go as far as those games did. You rarely get to hand-customize the builds and classes of your gang of NPCs, and with the exception of SWTOR, they don’t have the individual personality and backstory. I’ve always thought that one of SWTOR’s biggest missteps is that it didn’t let you take out more than one companion at a time — I loved how BioWare’s other games would have the companions talking back and forth as you traveled.

Anyway, playing Star Trek Online these past two weeks has reminded me how much I love the virtual party feel in a game. Hey guys? The Klingons killed me again. A little help here?

My loose association with crafting in MMOs


Because I’m perpetually two years behind in World of Warcraft, I’m just now discovering that my garrison can be used to help me catch up in professions if so desired. No matter what character I end up playing for Legion, I want her to have mining and engineering, because I love toys and gadgets in the game. So I’ve started to use the mine and engineering shack to level those professions from 1 to, what, 700 at this point? It’s going to be a long summer, I think.

Actually, it’s pretty cool and takes a lot of the frustration of trying to get caught up in these professions, so I’m definitely not complaining. It’s certainly nice to have it all in one spot, augmented by mining out in the game world as well.

Getting the ball rolling on all of that made me think of my loose association with crafting in MMOs over the years. I’ve really never been a crafter in spirit or in practice, yet I’ve always professed the desire to do so. What happens is that either there’s a game that’s been out for a long time (and I feel so behind in crafting that I don’t want to start) or there’s a new game (and I’d rather do gathering professions for easy guaranteed money). Or sometimes the game’s crafting system is simply to obtuse or not interesting enough to warrant investigation.

Yet there have been a few MMOs that got me into crafting in some form:

  • Lord of the Rings Online: At various times, I’ve leveled scholar (for potions) and farming (for food buffs), although I never did see much point in crafting armor and weapons, since quest rewards were almost always good enough to keep you going.
  • WildStar: As I blogged about last year, I did spend a good amount of time crafting housing items. Being able to make stuff to put in my house was a big motivator for wanting to craft.
  • World of Warcraft: Probably the only time I really got into crafting seriously was with my Warlock, as I leveled engineering in vanilla and TBC. Loved my little flying helicopter and the extra ports.
  • Fallen Earth: A game that’s about 40% crafting anyway, I loved the system here. Having real-time queues meant you could set things up, go adventuring, and not have to stand around miming some action while crafting bars progressed. Being able to make my own weapons and vehicles (especially my first motorcycle!) gave me such a sense of accomplishment. I truly miss it.
  • RIFT: I think I tried a few crafting professions over the years, although none was memorable enough to mention here, apparently. But I did!
  • The Secret World: Using the crafting interface is mandatory for some missions, so I guess it warrants a bullet point. Some people really like how the crafting works, but I am not a fan.

In an ideal world where MMOs all had engaging and rewarding crafting systems and I had plenty of time to game, I’d probably be much more of a crafter than I am in practice. But the reality is that I only get a couple of hours a day to play, and I don’t want to spend that time looking at a recipe window when I could be out doing something in the game world.

I’m sailing! I’m a sailor!


Well, not yet — but on Saturday my wife and I will be taking a well-deserved vacation together with no kids to celebrate my 40th. She asked me what I wanted to do for a trip this year, and I suggested going on an Alaskan cruise. We’ve only ever done one cruise, and that was to the Carribbean. We had a fantastic time and that, coupled with seeing a place that I’ve always wanted to visit, would be a good combination.

If I haven’t said before, I am a PLANNER when it comes to trips. I always have been. When I was a young kid, I would spend weeks preparing for family vacations to grandma and grandpa’s, even though my responsibility began and ended at what I was bringing in my bag. I like to know the itinerary down to the minute, I double-check details, and I like researching things about the trip so that I’m able to be flexible and have the least amount of unpleasant surprises.

So while my wife will probably start packing about a day before we go, I’ve been putting stuff aside for a couple of weeks now. One thing that I’ve always done is make sure that I have a pile of entertainment to bring with me. I’d always rather have too much than not enough; the thought of sitting on a plane or boat somewhere without anything to do makes me shiver.

Happily, with mobile devices and whatnot, it’s a lot easier to arrange this. I’m bringing my ipad (mostly for movies that my wife and I can watch, but also Chrono Trigger), my phone (plenty of small games), my Kindle (with four new books), and my “magazine.” OK, I’m a total dork, but I don’t want to waste money on real magazines and I am always a little leery of airlines telling me I can’t use my Kindle during takeoff. So I got a folder and printed out a ton of MMO guides and articles that I want to catch up on and read. More enlightening anyway.

Of course, I’m not planning on reading and playing games all week — that’s mostly just for downtime when we’re either traveling or at night when my wife goes to bed early. It’ll be a little strange (as always) to be cut off from the internet, but in my opinion we all need that in our lives every now and then, if just to reorient us to life.

I’ll miss the news and the MMOs and the blog posts, but that’s all stuff I can catch up on later. A new experience and scenery awaits, and I can’t wait.

Star Trek Online: Deja vu and ghosties


I fear not ghosts, I fear them not.

These are the voyages of the starship Funky Lizard. It’s strange mission: To retread missions that I’ve done a few times before, but just long enough ago so that they exude deja vu instead of boredom.

I always thought that the Devidian missions in the early levels of Star Trek Online was an odd placement. Don’t get me wrong — these are fantastic missions, full of story-telling, scares, atmosphere, and even time travel. But they have little to do with Klingons (as this takes place in the Klingon arc) and take a strong tonal shift away from that classic Trek feel for a trip to scaresville. I had totally forgotten about the “Bonnykins” guy until last night. A really fun mission to play when the lights are out, I’ll say.

Of course, you can’t be THAT scared when you’re packing a minigun and have four officers flanking you with other high-tech artillery. Fear has to be the mind-killer, because it sure ain’t going to be the body-killer.


Even though it all feels familiar, I don’t mind at all. I’ve always liked going back through the starting experiences of old favorites, reacquainting myself and building up a new legend. I’d like to say that I’m branching out and trying new things, but in truth I’m still gravitating toward science vessels. I’m sorry, but they’re just cooler than practically everything else on the Federation side.

There’s something about the combination of activities in this game — space battles, ground battles, and thoughtful mission investigation — that keeps it from getting dull and stale. Second to The Secret World, Star Trek Online is a game that’s kept me mentally on my toes with some of its missions. That’s pretty admirable for “just” text boxes for most of the quest developments.

I’m already thinking far ahead to an endgame ship. If there’s a way to earn one in the upcoming summer event, I might have to go for that, because there’s no way that I can save up enough zen for a 3,000-point ship (I have a whopping 147 so far), and I’m trying to be a little frugal these days.


I did experiment a little with my crew’s outfits. Went with skin-tight armor this time around, giving each crew member their own color scheme. So far I like it!

I haven’t found a fleet yet, but I’m keeping my eyes and ears open. Sector chat is always interesting these days (kind of wish I could keep it turned on during missions… have to look into that). Saw a lot of folks griping about Star Trek Online’s console announcement, which I thought was forehead-slapping silly. Yes, I get you’re protective of your game and any change will no doubt bring its demise, but I can’t help but see this as a really good thing for Star Trek Online. Why?

  • It shows that Perfect World has a lot of confidence in your product to give the go-ahead for a console version
  • It will open up new revenue streams, which help to ensure the game’s continued existence and growth
  • It will expand the game’s audience — as Neverwinter’s console edition did
  • It comes at a good time, with the new expansion on the way and the 50th anniversary
  • It gives the game a good excuse for a visual upgrade, which it’s getting in the form of improved lighting

So stop pouting and embrace the future, ya knuckleheads.

From what I’ve heard, console players won’t be on the PC megaserver, so there’s no fear that the sullied Xbox players will contaminate the PC master race. Whew. Bullet dodged.

It will be incredibly interesting to see how STO is adapted for consoles, since I’ve certainly ended up with more buttons than a standard controller has (I’ve heard radial menus). But yeah, I can see it — space combat isn’t twitchy, and ground combat has the option between traditional and shooter modes.

For now, I’ll keep trekking through the main storyline, and with all luck I’ll be into new stuff by mid-summer.

King’s Quest V part 4: The dark and spooky forest


(This is part of my journey going checking out King’s Quest V. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

Graham and Cedric arrive at the entrance of a dark and rather forboding forest. I know this because of the considerate “Enter at your own risk!” sign at its entrance. I wonder if the sign-maker put these all around the forest at every possible egress. Well, I’ve survived bears, ants, and Cedric’s whining, so I’m not too concerned.


Cedric (naturally) freaks out about the thought of going into the forest, so he wimps out and stays behind. Seriously, owl, are you good for anything other than to give some poor intern a paycheck for voicing you?

In the forest, Graham wanders down a path until a witch shows up and abruptly turns him into a frog. I love this game over graphic — the fact that the frog has the same jaunty hat and Graham’s clothes endears me to the artists so much.


Since there’s no avoiding the Frog Blast(tm) of the witch, there must be another way to avoid amphibification. Turns out that wearing the magic amulet that the fortune teller gave Graham effectively shields him from the spell. Graham returns the favor by gifting the brass bottle to the witch, which she uses and gets trapped inside by the vengeful genie.

Well… anyone want to plunder a witch’s house?

Her house sits on a platform suspended over a vent of steam and flames. Not… the best place for a house, but I guess if you’re a witch you have a reputation to maintain. Unless you’re a candy witch! Those ladies rock. I find a key, a bag of jewels, and a spinning wheel in her small home. Guess kleptomania runs in the royal family blood.


I didn’t mention this before, but apparently once you go into the dark forest, there’s no apparent way out. The path behind you closes up and finding an exit becomes one of your goals. This is accomplished, naturally, by elf-baiting.


Graham lures an elf out of the woods by dropping emeralds from the witch’s pouch like they were Reese’s Pieces. Finally he douses the last emerald with honey, which the short-sighted elf walks right into. Graham then holds the little ball of annoyance hostage until he leads him out of the woods. Also, Graham gets a pair of shoes (?) in exchange for the emeralds. Dude, I think the elf just ripped you off. Typical.


One thing I’ve noticed about King’s Quest V so far is that due to the new mouse interface, the game is a LOT more item-oriented than in previous installments. Instead of figuring out what text command to type in, it’s more of the “find the item and then figure out where to use the item” done in various ways.

So here Graham’s left the forest, reunited with Mrs. Doubtfire-talking Cedric, and encountered a weeping willow. Which is actually weeping, so much so that its made a pond of her tears. She also plays a harp, which she best not drop or else spend eternity staring at it on the ground.


Tree-girl here says she used to be a princess (good thing too, otherwise Graham wouldn’t give her the time of day). One day she was walking along with her prince and the witch got jealous and turned her into a tree, took out her heart, and transformed it into gold. Then the prince got banished to a far-off country and she was left playing the blues.

Well, Graham so happens to have a golden heart in his messy inventory, so here you go, enjoy life with skin and two legs again. I thought it was funny that the second she transformed back, she threw away her harp and her prince instantly showed up like he was waiting just off-screen. They leave and Graham is up one harp.

King’s Quest V part 3: The secret life of cats


(This is part of my journey going checking out King’s Quest V. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

“Ahh! Life-giving water! Nectar of the gods!” That’s KQV’s “arrow in the knee” quote right there. Must’ve heard it at least a dozen times while constantly quaffing water in the desert.

Graham emerges from the sandy wasteland one brass bottle (with ornery genie) and one gold coin richer. Alas, Cedric is waiting to resume the quest. He was growing quite concerned, you see. Nosy little owl.


When Graham goes to search for a golden needle in this haystack (seriously), an army of ants shows up to help him out. Oh, they don’t just show up — they bring an entire chorus line with them. The game actually breaks out into song here, with the marching, whistling ants singing about how they’re helping King Graham, all while little black pixels swarm the stack. I’d like to be sarcastic here, but I’m too amused by the extra effort.

And folks, that’s how you get ants.


Because Graham apparently loves vermin and pests of all kind, soon enough he saves a rat from a cat by chucking a shoe (looted from a dead adventurer). I’m not a cat lover, so this scene was cathartic. The rat who pledged a life debt to me was just a bonus.

Also, King’s Quest V really loves this “save an animal in peril” trope. First the bees from the bears, then the ants from the dog, and now the rat from the cat. It’s bordering on self-parody at this point.


Graham discovers a gypsy wagon, at which point Cedric warns him to keep an eye on them: “I don’t trust them!” Cedric, you racist bird you.


Yet another oracle pops up in the King’s Quest series. This time, it’s a fortune teller who looks into her crystal ball and sees… exposition! The evil wizard Mordack appears to be playing with his action figures collection, but in truth he’s terrorizing the tiny Alexander. Apparently Mordack is the brother of KQ3’s Mananananannon, who is still a cat and none too pleased about it. Mordack says if Alexander doesn’t spill the beans about the spell, he’s going to feed Alexander’s whole family to the cat.

After that entertaining show, Graham gets a magic amulet from the gypsy. For those keeping score at home, the “mistrustful” gypsies have been more helpful than the owl in this game.