Once upon a time, Syp got a starship. With it, he explored strange, new worlds, conquered new civilizations, and boldly went wherever the development team told him to go within the mission structure.
Syp learned that the galaxy is a terrible place full of body horrors and space elves. The dead, Syp realized, were often the fortunate ones.
At least Syp got to marvel at the pretty colors and appealing shapes floating in the middle of the nether.
Things kept exploding all around Syp. It wasn’t Syp’s fault. Well, it was sort of Syp’s fault. 10% Syp, 90% photon torpedoes, really.
During Syp’s downtime, the captain would visit the tailor extensively to play Star Barbie Online.
Syp didn’t cause all of the crashes — sometimes ships were just like that when discovered in the wild. Honest.
One time Captain Syp got lost and ended up flying into Hell itself. Next time, Syp vowed, directions would be asked and GPSes would be followed.
Syp was easily amused during shore leave.
Uh-oh! Syp knew that in the Star Trek universe, anyone daring to expose midriffs were undeniably evil. Also, probably a little cold and wet.
Syp particularly enjoyed the brief Terminator 2: Judgment Day crossover. “I’ll be back… when Scotty beams me up.”
One thing was for certain: Captain Syp would defend PopsicleMart to the death, if need be.
Halfway down the cliff face, Syp realized that Starfleet didn’t cram in a rappelling course in somewhere. Gravity quickly took charge of the situation.
And then Captain Syp fought the giant purple space worms to save the galaxy and become the first empress of the Federation. The end.