Star Trek Online: Neelix and nihilism


The Rain Bunny: It will be the last thing half of the galaxy will ever see. Launch all fighters!

Since today is Agents of Yesterday’s launch, I thought it appropriate to get a blog post out on everything I’ve been doing in Star Trek Online that’s completely not related to the recent expansion.

Cryptic had reactivated several featured episode series with special rewards, so I made it a priority over the weekend to get these done before they went away for who knows how long. I realized I was a complete dope, because it wasn’t after I replayed the entirety of the Breen arc to get my new bridge officer did someone inform me that I didn’t have to re-do the whole chain if I had done it before — only the last mission. D’oh! Following that, I got the shard of possibilities (I can summon multiple mes!) and the goofy cane, then declared that effort a wrap.

I also finally finished up my Risa dailies and earned my free T6 escort. I don’t see me using this a lot in my regular travels, but I was glad to get it for the neat console and to use as another pawn in my admiralty campaign.


Then it was off to the next Delta Rising story in that arc, this one featuring… (sigh)… Neelix. OK, I guess I can’t totally blame Cryptic for roping in any regular cast member it could get, and I have nothing personal against Ethan Phillips. But even I, a non-Voyager watcher, find Neelix incredibly irritating, and I’m sure the game’s producers weren’t unaware that his inclusion would be like throwing a bucket of fleas in the face of a family having a picnic at a park.

So he’s annoying, he was finally booted off of the ship at the end of the show, and now we’re back to see how Neelix has done for himself over the past 30 years. Astonishingly, he hasn’t accidentally killed himself or found someone else to do the job for him, so Neelix is kind of the Big Cheese down at the cracker factory. Or the Telaxian asteroid colony, a sort of hellish limbo for this ugly, ugly race.

For those hoping that this episode would somehow redeem Neelix and make him less of an obvious attempt to shoehorn in a comedic sidekick, sorry to say that you’ll probably end up resenting him just as much if not more. The whole episode is Neelix getting you to clean up one mess after the other, including a rather long and unnecessary chain of conversations in which you try to find which lazy and/or incompetent Telaxian has to work a particular shift.


Also, Neelix got himself a girlfriend/wife who is just as death-prone as he.

So here’s one pet peeve I have about Star Trek Online: The game very rarely allows you a wide variety of dialogue choices, instead forcing you to select the only option which is, in Starfleet fashion, unfailingly polite, diplomatic, and simpering. Sarcastic responses and hostile tones are only rarely offered — and definitely were missing in this mission.

If I couldn’t kill Neelix — and I couldn’t — the very least the mission could let me do is insult him and berate his unfailing uselessness. But nope, it’s all “what can I do for you!” and “no problem!” and “what other messes can I mop up for you, my good fellow!”


Let’s just hope that with this mission over and Neelix safely deposited on a new homeworld, he will recede into the rear-view mirror, never to bother Trek again.



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