(Join Syp as he attempts to document a complete playthrough of The Secret World from start to finish. What will The Secret Adventures discover next? Find out in this exciting installment! WARNING: Spoilers and stories ahead!)
Batteries Not Included (side mission)
The entirety of this short mission featured (a) me following a very drunk Orochi drone as it attempted to detour through every Atenist pack in the area, and (b) me trying to remember if that 1987 “Batteries Not Included” movie featured a little floating robot that looked like this drone.
Not exactly, but still pretty entertaining. All movies in the 80s were on non-prescription medication and it was glorious.
The Land of the Dead (side mission)
The Orochi camp — the only bastion of modern civilization in this zone, really — is completely deserted due to an overabundance of death. I would seriously love to see a prequel movie to this game that would consist of two solid hours of supernatural meanies killing Orochi left and right. Kind of like that final scene in Cabin in the Woods, if you’ve seen that.
Anyway, just because it’s abandoned doesn’t mean that it’s lacking in quests. We’ll start at the top, where Orochi’s Seal of Quality — a crashed helicopter — sits waiting with two tempting side quests. First up is a suspicious funeral shroud, which the mission text helpfully describes as being soaked in the juices of the departed. That never comes out in the laundry, let me tell you.
The dead wants its dirty underwear back, because the second I touch the shroud (why would I touch it? Why?), I’m transported into the death world where a spirit makes a not-so-subtle suggestion that I follow it. Long escort mission short, I head over to Huoy’s shrine and bury the undies there. He weighs that soul and judges it “stinky.”
Flight of the Falcon (side mission)
This has to be the easiest streak of side missions I’ve ever done in this game. So Orochi, being the model of tact, beheaded one of the falcon statues in the area in the hopes of, I dunno, shipping some head magic back to Japan. I bring the head back to the broken statue, fix it with some spit and silly putty, and the eagerly leap through the purple portal that it creates.
Kids, when you see a strange portal appear, you jump through it, no questions asked. That’s only prudent.
I was all excited to see where it went, but I guess this was a breadcrumb quest, because it only sent me to Thutmose the Birdbrain.
Heavy Metals (side mission)
When I said that the Orochi camp was deserted, that was a bit of a misnomer. All of the people have fled or are rotting carcasses for the vultures, to be sure, but all of the security systems are still active, with plenty of those annoying roaming stun-bots all over the place. Also, the Orochi left plenty of history lying around, such as a computer with some last-known-info regarding their patrols.
Heavy Metals is an investigation-lite mission, so finding where the patrols went requires some triangulation using their last known locations and some other coordinates. This took some time, as the cave it sends you to is actually above another cave on the map, which is confusing as all get out when you’re looking at a flat, 2-D map.
Anyway, it’s no surprise that the patrol is all dead — and there’s even a Filth-turned agent munching on some of the remains. They did leave behind a crate, the contents of which… remain a mystery to me this day. Geary seemed pleased that I recovered it, but she’s not about to share those secrets with the likes of me.
A Modest Proposal (action mission)
Again, just because the Orochi camp is abandoned doesn’t mean it’s deserted. A laptop perched on a crate has eyes on my character — and the voice that comes out of it is distressingly similar to the one in the Orochi van back in Blue Mountain. The mysterious man, all silk voice and “win-win” attitude. He wants me to help shut down the camp so that the Filth-infected don’t walk away with Third Age artifacts. He’s the eyes, I’m the hands.
The battle is on. The fight ranges all over the camp and behind it, involving sentry guns, EMP grenades, cultists, Filth-infested Orochi, and even a sniper at the very end. What’s of some interest is the identity of the voice (probably Samael, particularly as he makes mention of “rush in where we fear to tread” referring to angels) and this mysterious “Prometheus Initiative” that’s mentioned on some of the radio broadcasts.
Kristen Geary is TICKED that I’m out helping the Orochi — she keeps telling me to say away, that I’m helping who-knows do who-knows-what, and that if things go bad, I’m on my own. She’s a great boss to have.
Emergency Procedures (sabotage mission)
I’ll say one thing in favor of City of the Sun God: For a zone, it is remarkably light on the dreaded sabotage mission types. There’s only a scarce handful, far less than what I’ve encountered elsewhere, and for that I’m grateful. Unfortunately, one of the few in the place happen to be in the Orochi camp.
Emergency Procedures is a follow-up of sorts to the previous quest, as you’re ripping through the camp looking for computer data on various Orochi reports, including the sentinel statues and the Black Pyramid. Mostly it’s just a game of staying-outside-the-probe-and-camera-range, a feat that is quite easy to do. In fact, I did the full quest on my first try and never got tagged once. That’s like a new personal record of sorts.
Once I transmit the Orochi data back to Illuminati HQ, I turn and wave farewell to the Orochi camp. It’s been swell, folks, but the swelling’s gone down.