(Join Syp as he attempts to document a complete playthrough of The Secret World from start to finish. What will The Secret Adventures discover next? Find out in this exciting installment! WARNING: Spoilers and stories ahead!)
Desert Uprising (side mission)
Let’s kick off this session with a trio of nearby side missions, shall we? As par for the course in this game, this quest starts off with a dead Orochi agent (zone count: 532 and rising). He’s got a device that helpfully points me in the direction of three sand golems that would love nothing more than to bash my head in. They are named, curiously, The Slip, The Collapse, and The Ruin. Not sure what all that’s about, and since the mission never deigns to tell me, I guess I’ll never know.
It Came from the Desert (side mission)
There’s a cute little sarcophagus lying around that’s apparently had a jailbreak — and I have to go put down the enormous and certainly-could-not-fit-in-that-wee-casket beast that escaped. It’s a remarkably easy mission, especially for TSW, although other than the impressive monster model there’s little of interest to it.
From Ashes (side mission)
So I’m going into this small temple to pick up a side mission that I saw on the map, and I get a genuine little fright. I see a shadow on the floor moving, and when I look up, this enormous spider is dropping down through a hole in the roof nearly on top of my head. Now, I’ve seen a lot of giant MMO spiders in my time — heck, they’re practically a staple — but this one looks so icky and is animated perfectly that it gave me the willies.
Anyway, the mission itself is to go around tapping on urns and putting the erupting spirits to rest. They’re no pushovers, which means that the mission is a tad on the “slog” side, but I wasn’t in danger of dying either.
Mummy Massacre (side mission)
This mission barely deserves an entry, to be honest. You kill a couple mummies, then kill a big mummy that spawns, the end. Paramount will be making the motion picture for release in Summer 2018.
They Were Beautiful Once (action mission)
Enough of the easy-peasy stuff — let’s get into a real quest, the kind that puts hair on your chest and makes you curse the day Funcom ever let mission designers off their leashes. I like the title here, reminds me of that Army of Darkness quote: “You once found me beautiful!” “Honey, you got reaaaaal ugly!”
Anyway, for the next three missions we’ll be hanging out with the simple-to-spell-and-pronounce Moutnefert. I like to call her “Mouty.” Mouty is one of the younger kid-statues and the one absolutely obsessed with travel. She and her younger brother talk about how beautiful this area used to be before it became befouled, a situation that doesn’t seem to be improving much these days. Thanks, Obama!
We can’t make the garden look nicer or plant a few new ferns (Funcom: why not? Gardening skill line please!), but we can get revenge on the cultists for messing up all of this — and maybe find out a little of what they’re up to in the process.
This mission definitely earns its description as “action,” as it’s a whole lot of fighting through a particularly dense section of the oasis. The story unfolds in the environment and challenges, as we go from cultists looking around ruins to cultists using machines to dig up things to giant demons patrolling in the light due to their efforts. The big finale is tackling that creepy-as-all-get-out spider from earlier. Another player was actually fighting it, so I think I only had to shoot it three times before it died. Thanks, Obama!
Dead Rising (action mission)
Another telling little conversation between three of the kids. One of the older sisters points out how the father has been telling or doing whatever is necessary to mollify the kids and get them to fulfill their destiny — one which, she notes, they had no say in. But things are falling apart, including the family, and the dead are being raised in the temple next door. Do these sentinels ever actually do anything productive other than yammer on?
While the previous mission sent me through a gauntlet in the garden, this one involves plowing through the ruins of the local temple itself. Nothing shockingly tough or surprising, although a giant sarcophagus at the end blows up and spits out another giant mummy to fight.
Is it me, or do these sacophagi look kind of… goofy? Like, out of place? Fisher-Price Secret World.
Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water (side mission)
At the temple there’s another small mission that can be done at the same time. Running around the top, I fought four different groups of summoners who were trying to call up a spirit called Eiz. He was… Eiz-y to defeat. YEAHHHHHH.