Star Control 2: Zex vexes


(This is part of my journey going checking out Star Control 2. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

Has your chiton rasped and moistened with excitement today? What a shame.

After our long zoo hunting expedition, we finally return to the nutty Admiral Zex to give him the dreaded beast in exchange for the maidens. However, Zex proves to be less trustworthy than you’d expect from a member of a xenophobic species that hates all humans. He withholds the maidens, gets the beast, and then…


He wants to — ULP! — collect me. No, I am not going to spend the rest of this game down on a planet in some sort of collection. I have a destiny!


Zex gets ready to attack my ship, but before we launch into battle, the beast escapes its containment and starts rampaging throughout Zex’s ship. It’s unfortunate we don’t get to actually see what’s going on, but Zex’s running commentary is pretty funny. Long story short, Zex is no more. You shan’t be missed, you weirdo.

We go down to the planet’s surface and rescue the maidens, all in their cryotanks.


Am I supposed to feel this uncomfortable delivering dates to this guy? I’m not an escort service, I’m an intergalactic captain trying to save the full extinction of a race, darn it!


The furry guy is more than pleased at the result here and heads off to do what rabbits do best. I appreciate that he makes a point of saying that he will only procreate with the consent of the maidens. Otherwise I would have felt pretty icky at this whole bit.


It seems like you never run out of new, wacky alien races to meet in this game. Just when I thought I saw everything, I bump into the Orz. These are chicken-ball-like guys who are very peppy and also talk in weird cryptic phrases that the translator can’t seem to properly deduce. But it’s not hard to get the gist of what certain phrases mean. In the end, we become friends and allies, just for the asking.


Oh did I ever, Orzy!


One benefit of this friendship is being able to acquire a 20,000-year-old artifact on an Orz planet that apparently will serve as some sort of psychic shield. That should be useful, don’t you think?

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