Hey kids! Are you jonesing for a new Star Trek series but you can’t swipe mommy’s credit card to pay for CBS All Access? Then we’ve got a free option for you!
Tune in to Star Trek: Joyride, a brand-new, multi-million dollar series here on Bio Break! Free with no commercial interruptions, we might add. It follows the adventures of Crickety, a snarky Starfleet ensign who — against all common sense — is given command of her very own trillion-credit starship right out of the academy. With no restraint holding her back and a bridge crew that is too afraid of her cutting intensity to challenge her authority, Crickety goes on an interstellar joyride to see what trouble she can get into this week!
Oh yeah, Crickety makes graduating look good. She’s no trust fund baby, but instead a tortured soul who ate the last four Mary Sues she came across. Her mother was a one-eyed vampire. Her father was a blue space cricket. Her best friend was Borg Spock from the mirror universe.
Cap’n Crickety does what she wants, when she wants, because she has the impulse control of a baboon. Check out episode two, “Fun and Games,” where she receives a distress call to help a freighter under attack. When her away team beams aboard, she challenges her crew to a game of lethal laser tag. The prize? Whatever loot they can grab from this rusty bucket before it explodes!
Oh, Star Trek: Joyride is certain to be canceled after six episodes, but Crickety is going to make those adventures count and leave a deep and oozing scar on the surface of the Federation. In episode three, “Forbidden Love,” she steals a sentient shuttlecraft and takes it on a series of romantic dates across the galaxy. Will she say “I do” before the authorities catch up with her? Tune in and find out!