Try-It Tuesday: Global Adventures

Every so often, I break out of my gaming routine to try something new and different. These turn into my Try-It Tuesday sessions, and they are a mixed bag indeed!

Global Adventures is a deeply weird game. And deeply flawed. But I will give it this: It has one of the coolest character selection screens I’ve ever seen. You get this crew of characters endlessly running from this giant animated stone guardian, and as you pick the characters, they turn around to fire at it.

Anyway, so what is this game? Global Adventures is what could charitably be described as “Indiana Jones and Lara Croft meet Diablo meet Chinese game design.” That’s probably making it sound way cooler than it is, but it did get my interest when I came across it a few months ago. It’s a different setting, and the more I thought about it, the more a treasure hunting Diablo clone with a contemporary setting (albeit one with magic and some high tech stuff) is pretty cool. I thought I’d check it out for this month’s MMO experiment, even though it’s still in early access.

I went with a Bio-Tech, one of three playable classes right now. I swear, this is as grown up as I could make her look. The teddy bear doesn’t help my case. She’s a dual pistol fighter who can occasionally summon a giant robot to do stuff, so obviously that had to be my pick. Decent but not great customization options, and then we were off!

Right away, I couldn’t decide if I was going to love or hate Global Adventures. That feeling continued pretty much the entire time I was playing it. For every positive I found, there was a cruddy drawback that sprang out at me.

For example, the tutorial starts right out in a wonderfully detailed Aztec temple, and the game’s cel-shading and graphic design is flat-out gorgeous. There were cool little animations, like climbing up walls and swinging across with vines, that made the little pocket zones feel far more 3D than they had any right to be. And combat was fairly fun, if simple.

Yet the framerate was completely inconsistent and right from the get-go, this game suffered from the “neurotic over-controlling mom teaching a teenager how to drive” syndrome. Like, the game would let you play for a maximum of two seconds before wresting control away from you to explain something else or do one of the numerous little pointless cutscenes.

And oh, these cutscenes are bad. Horribly bad. It’s like they didn’t even try with the voice acting and lip syncing, but grabbed the nearest intern, shoved him or her in front of a mic, and made sure that the character mouth would open and close. And very little of what they said or did made sense. This is a game that should have a lot of story and instead has a pile of gibberish involving a fat leach called Slim Jim, random temple robbing, you have an arrowhead you’re trying to hawk, there’s a Global Adventures company, and a random guy in the street sends you to the corners of the globe. I gave up on trying to follow it.

The thing is, there’s a good game somewhere in here that needs a lot of love, attention, refinement, and western localization. It’s just not getting it from what I see.

Don’t get me started on what this game thinks is “humor.” It just made me hate any character attempting it.

Use disorientation tactics! By this the game means “move somewhat to the left and right.”

I guess the whole product is serviceable, and if it ran more smoothly, I’d even be up for enjoying it now and then. I did like how my character would take out a bike when auto-pathing between missions, and the bonus goal of fully clearing out and exploring each area (for extra loots). But it’s in too rough of a state right now, so I’m going to tuck it away and wait to revisit it when and if it actually releases.

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