Project Gorgon: All the cool kids milk cows

All right, time to escape this prison island, recover my memories, and get sweet revenge upon the world as a whole!

Welcome back to the weirdness of Project Gorgon, where merely getting out of the newbie zone requires more work and brainpower than you’d think. The traditional way out is to learn teleportation (which is, obviously, a very useful skill to have). The skill itself is easy to learn, but finding out the coordinates of my destination requires some scouting around the island.

Before I leave, the game gives me this choice and plants a seed for future plot points. Very cool! I like how our characters are amnesic yet so many people know us and allude to extensive relationships and histories.

YAEEH! The second I teleport off the island, I’m greeting by this holographic crone. She’s one of the four that killed me on the character creation screen (seriously), but said that we were friends (sure) and I was a demon hunter (okay) and that a demon was taking me down and wiping my brain was the only way they could save me (I’ll buy that). Anyway, she tells me to investigate some stuff as a main questline and then fades out.

I go kill packs of pigs for a while by talking smack about their mothers. It’s relaxing.

Project Gorgon really does just… dump you into this zone with very little instruction. Welcome to Serbule Hills, which is sort of pretty if you squint just right. It’s quite big, especially if you’re slowly trotting around like I am.

The site of a walled town invites investigation, and so I head into Serbule proper. It’s here that the game’s performance took a steep nosedive. I wasn’t able to move or turn the camera without horrific rubberbanding and stuttering. It almost made it impossible to move around. I had a suspicion that a recent server restart had something to do with it.

Naturally, within one minute of arriving in town, I’m slaughtered by a pair of psychic mantises wearing bowler hats. Then I milked a player cow. And drank that milk. This game is Odd for Everyone.

At the local tavern is a poetry podium, which I assumed tied into one of the more interesting-sounding skills in the game: poetry appreciation. You can read how this skill can interact with crowds, presumably to bring players together to share skill points and bad limericks.

I want to remind everyone that this is an MMORPG that just came out in 2018. It has poetry appreciation. If this game would run for president, I would vote for it.

I bumped up my lore skill by admiring a painting that’s about the death of half the elves in a country. It’s now my MOST FAVORITE PAINTING EVER.

And it’s not a visit to Project Gorgon if you don’t see a player cow wearing a sun hat and standing on a sign.

As much as the stuttering performance would allow, I explored the town a bit and tried to figure out what I wanted to do first. The game and some friends pointed me toward Marna as a starting point. She outright taught me first aid as a skill, gave me some storage space (you spread your stuff around various vendors instead of a single central bank, for some reason), and bought my excess inventory. I picked up a couple of quests from her and will see what I can do to level up favor with her so that I can buy poison arrows and get more first aid kits, as well as gain more storage space and vendor gold (each merchant only has a certain amount of gold and will buy certain things, although Marna is special in that she’ll buy most anything but has less gold than other NPCs).

Next time? Quests for Marna. Marna forever!

One thought on “Project Gorgon: All the cool kids milk cows

  1. “You’ll need a poetry book (which is destroyed in the process)”
    I am imagining a poet pretentiously ripping out each page and throwing it in the air with a flourish after he has read it.

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