Posted in Retro Gaming

Vampire Bloodlines: A surprise in the bathroom

(This is part of my journey going playing through 2004’s Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines. You can follow the entire series on the Retro Gaming page.)

Before I leave Hollywood, I have to put an end to these snuff film serial killings. I *am* the ethical vampire, after all. My quest leads me to the hidden place behind the cybercafe (back when those were a thing) where the tapes are being made. It’s also overrun by these weird two-legged critters that the devs were obviously in love with, as they reuse them all over the place for the next hour or so.

This leads me to the sewers (warrens), a truly stupidly long and annoying level full of big beasties, traps, puzzles, and long twisty passages. Bloodlines really was ambitious by how much it wanted to do and how many choices it wanted to offer, but some of its systems — stealth and climbing, I’m looking at you — came off half-baked because of it. Also, I know that the rushed production meant that Hollywood and Chinatown suffered a lack of content and polish.

At least this hilarious little Easter egg blue screen of death awaited me at the end of the sewers. Some big bad ugly looking guy is perpetuating these body horror crimes (sorry, I didn’t get his name), but I didn’t get to fully kill him yet.

Below the warrens is the Nosferatu hangout. It’s cozy in a salvaged-from-the-curb sort of way, and the Nosferatu themselves are fairly pleasant and amiable folks, even if they look like they dropped out of the ugly tree and hit every branch going down.

Gary, the guy who was supposed to lead me toward the sarcophagus, has a pretty bizarre dinner scene laid out that is never explained. Maybe those are his chums from the old movie biz, as he suggests.

After a long, long day of scouring the sewers, I head back to my haven and find that my crazy roommate Heather has not only taken up the goth lifestyle but kidnapped a strange guy and locked him in the bathroom in an attempt to please me. I don’t know what my body language suggests, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t give her this vibe. At least the next time I saw her, she had some very useful body armor waiting for me.

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