DDO: The plague doctor is in!

As I continue through the Disciples of Rage adventure pack in House J, I’ve gone from bad news to worse. Not only has the entire city been infected by the rage plague, but so have I — which means that simply interacting with NPCs is difficult without getting into fights. It’s kind of interesting to have a personal interest in the quest chain, and with that in mind, I head out to the outskirts of town to find my old friend Brawnpits the giant and ask for his help in formulating a cure.

Brawnpits, you might recall, was a giant who wanted to become an actor, and I helped him with his aspirations:

He’s not that pleased to see me or with his thespian life, but oh well, he owes me. In The Madness of Crowds, Brawnpits and I work on a shamanistic cure, although it doesn’t really end up working so much as delaying the effects of the madness. At least the quest amused me with the frequent mentions of how bad the giants smelled — the DDO writers must have had a lot of fun trying to come up with new ways to convey odors through text.

At least I’m able to take the fight to the Disciples of Rage in the Age of Rage mission. With their headquarters exposed by a nameless informant, I slip inside a warehouse and start doing what I do best — mindlessly rampaging all over the place.

Seriously. That’s the mission. Because I’m “infected” by the rage, one of the mission objectives is to destroy something like 75 random objects around the place. I’m not normally one for smashing things up in DDO missions — even though you get a bonus at the end — but here it is mandatory. Also mandatory? Avoiding numerous bear traps (and associated bears) and destroying the Book of Madness and a beholder that was guarding it. Really neat and nice-sized mission, all the way through.

In the final mission of this pack, Toxic Treatment, a deus elf machina shows up in the form of a Drow with interesting information. Turns out that his tribe has a cure for the rage virus, and we could use it to cure everyone in the town suffering from nonstop anger.

Wow. I mean… wow. For the first time in my life, an ELF shows me what true compassion and mercy is. Does this mean… that I must abandon my prejudice and embrace these pointy-eared saviors who granted such relief out of the goodness of their…

Hahahaha no, it’s elves, which means that they couldn’t care less that everyone is suffering or dying, because they’re not going to give up their precious cure until I prove myself “worthy” by going through three trials, each more annoying than the last. Thanks, you jerks. I’ll think of you as I go through these mazes, play simon says for some reason, and battle umber hulks. Heck, even after I get to the temple and clear it out of invading Disciples and another beholder, the Drow has the nerve to lecture me that I led them to the temple and it’s all my fault they went murdery on the elves.

You know what, dude? You could’ve just given me the cure outright. If I had to do it all over again, I would have sent an e-vite to all of the Disciples to come visit your village and teach you a shred of humility.

Elves. Pah.

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