Just for fun, I cut ‘n pasted Derek Smart’s latest bizarre opus into Word. It clocked in at 21 pages, 9030 words long. I know little kids who can sum all that up with some hearty raspberries and “Yo mama!” insults, and have it be just as mature.
Just for additional fun, the Derek Smart drinking game to help you get through his posts:
- Every time he bolds a word
- Twice for BOLDING AND CAPSING a word
- Every time he links to Wikipedia to explain such complex subjects like “public figure”
- Three times when he threatens to sue for some reason or another
- When he feels it’s necessary to devote an entire paragraph to defining a word or phrase
- Whenever he establishes himself as a martyr (caution: you may die if you follow this rule)
- “Intarweb”
- Whenever he talks about his past games as “successes”
- When he gets on a streak of phrase repetition
- Cheesy analogies (“selling ice to Eskimos”)
- A mad descent into legalese
Bio Break 
I guess I can consider myself lucky that I have never run across that blog before.
I wonder how much you would have to drink for this:
BoLdInG aNd CaPsInG eVeRy OtHeR lEtTeR iN iTaLiCs
I don’t know Derek Smart, nor have I played (or really even heard of) any of his “successes”… but it certainly seems like he likes to hear himself talk.
I’m severely tempted to post “TL;DR” as a response to that post. XD
@moxie
Done and done. You should too.
I’ve added my TL:DR
If I weren’t Tee-total, I think I’d be drunk by now…
Becareful now, Syp…
…you may get his personal reply. 😦
My head hurts just looking at that wall of text.
Hah, fifteen shots later and you’re only halfway through his post.
Seriously though, how about that big threat right at the beginning about how he’ll sue you for not linking back to him. What a tool.
This might be the blog of the day for me. Man that was hilarious! /takeashot
And it doesn’t end there – once you get to the end of his blog post, you follow the link to his open letter to David, which takes you on another hour-long journey, and at the end of THAT, you can follow a link to a 25 page PDF!
I am in love with this man. Quality reading – he never fails to deliver.
O, how I pine for Derek Smart!
Be careful Syp. You might summon he that cannot be named.
I thought the Derek Smart Drinking Game was to keep drinking until you can post like Derek Smart? It’s a pretty small window between that and terminal alcohol poisoning, though.
I started reading it because it’s the next volume in the DS drama. I got a few paragraphs in and then he got repetitive. His self aggrandizing used to be entertaining, now it’s just annoying. He puts the other guy down for spending money on lawyers then does the same. He keeps poking his ego up, I only watch for when somebody smacks it.
If you are an investor working with DS and reading this, you can consult with me for less, and drop the bad press he generates. Hopefully, his bad press makes you more money than he takes for his own.
Derek Smart
Derek Smart
Derek Smart
I have to see if it really works.
Hilarious read, Syp!! Absolutely loved it.
I forced myself through that and then the additional hour long journey Darun mentions above. Gah!